What did the helicopter say? Aluminum-minum-minum-minum-minum-mum-mum-mum-mum-um-um-um-um

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Knock Knock Who's There Carly Carly Who Hey I just met you, and this is crazy So here's my number and call me maybe

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you are looking on the internet someone falls over and i were shoes and chips prevent world war 2

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Why did the Salesman leave the leper colony? He had to wish his daughter a happy birthday.

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whats funnier than a dead baby? many things. a dead baby is a very sad and tragic thing.

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A man drinks a java while using Java His java was hot, making him spill on his laptop Blue screen of death

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. ( to heaven )

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How do you know if a woman is cheating on you? If you catch her cheating on you

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Roses are red Oranges are orange Nothing rhymes with orange Forever alone

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Why was Chris crying? There was a robbery at his house and both of his parents were brutally murdered.

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how do u get the baby to stop choking? take ur dick out of its mouth!!!

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what's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? when you slap a mosquito it stops sucking:)

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Whats better then free candy from a guy in a van? Trying to find his lost puppy so his kids don't cry.

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Why did the man hit the little boy? His brakes failed.

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A duck walks into a bar. Then he walks out.

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Why did the kid jump? He didn't.

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Q: What's worse than tripping down the stairs in front of a crowd of people? A: The bombing of Hiroshima

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Knock knock It's open, come in

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I viewed the terms of service and did not agree to them.

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Bill: Wanna know the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Joe: Sure Bill: Knowledge is knowing that an apple is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

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Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

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Why did the blonde leave the lamp on while sleeping? Because it helps to see in case you need to get up in the middle of the night. YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SAY "BECAUSE THEY'RE A LIGHT SLEEPER!" MUAHAHAHAHAHA

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? I can't remember. I have amnesia from when I was hit by a bus as a child.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops