why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible to try out for his school's football team. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is the worst part about dying? no-one cause no-one has ever survived dying to know what it is like so how is it possible that I would know

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory Because she repeatedly wrote Ws

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why is it OK to make fun of a deaf person? Because they can't hear.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says "Well, it's a long story but I tell you. You see, one day I was walking along the beach and I found a dusty old lamp. I rubbed the lamp and a big magic genie appeared. He told me I could have 3 wishes." The horse continues: "So I told the genie I wish I had a 10 billion dollars. I checked my bank account and sure enough it came true. My second wish was I wished for a beautiful wife. Suddenly a light came from the sky like an angel falling and I saw a beautiful woman and fell in love with her." The bartender says to the horse "Let me guess, so for your third wish, did you wish you were a horse with a long face?" The horse says "No that's not what I wished for." The bartender asks "What was your third wish?" The horse says "Well you won't believe me but I wished I was a bartender pretending to talk to a horse about some genie granting him wishes." After about 30 minutes of arguing with himself, other employees at the bar had had enough of the bartender talking to himself and called psychiatric personnel to escort the bartender to the mental hospital as his schizophrenia is getting worse.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call an elephant mixed with a rhino? A freak.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was six afraid of 7? Because 7 was a terrorist.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the CEO step down? Because he was very ill and could no longer meet his duties and expectations as Pear’s CEO.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Friends are like trees, they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "What will it be tonight?" He then promptly remembers he is on anti-joke.co but is too late to react. The horse has already shit on the floor. This is the fifth time this week that this has happened.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's more epic than a man in a gorilla suit? A man i a gorilla suit with a banana.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How many owls can you fit in a bath tub?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's worse than 10 dead babies in 1 trash can 1 baby in 10 trash cans

thumb_up thumb_down +5

roses are red violets are blue if you and your sister were hanging from a cliff i'd save your sister

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What happens when you Shoot a guy with a red Shirt On? He Dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the boy drop his icecream cone? Because of the shock of seeing his dead family.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why was six afraid of seven? because seven eight nine

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? A: "Get in the car."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's black and white and red all over? Nothing, because if it's black and white, it can't be red.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A wonderful dairy product that i can not have due to the fact that i do not own it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A bar walks into a man. No, firstly it wasn't a man and secondly the bar didn't walk in. The pedophile just slid it in and sodomized the poor boy.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

There once was a man from Nantucket, Who had an average-sized penis he only used during monogamous sex with his spouse.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops