Why couldn't Stephen Hawking run a marathon? He was struck by a very serious disease, otherwise known as refrigerator to the face, at the age of 5.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? A miracle

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the bird fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the squirrel.

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What did the nazi say to the jew? Nothing, he shot 'em

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what looks, smells, and sounds like red paint? blue paint, I lied about it being red

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What did the pig do when the farmer died? He just stood there cause pigs are stupid.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick

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My new friend, aka future fuckbuddy asked me what I do for a living. I told her, I write books. She asked me if I had gotten anything published yet. I told her: EXCUSE ME? DID I SAY I WAS A PUBLISHER? She laughed, for some reason... Good enough of an Antichri... Antijoke.

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Q: Why do black people hate country music? A: Because every time they hear "hoe down" they think someone has shot their sister.

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What did the Christian say to the atheist? "Even though we don't share the same beliefs, I think it's great that we can still be good friends."

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? ruh-ruh-blah-blah-bluh

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A man bought a white van, He later brutally molested a small boy.

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Why was the boat red and sticky? A boy dropped his slurpee. What were you thinking?!

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Q: why was the man punched in the face? A: I did like him.

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Why do dinosaurs have no friends? Because they are dead

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Why was the boy sad? He was harassed by his mum who died in the 1800's and went into a depressive state in which he drove himself to death using a pair of pliers and a rechargeable battery. No, he really just stubbed his toe.

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When life gives you Pure Filtered Water, Sweeteners (High Fructose Corn Syrup, Sugar), Lemon Juice from Concentrate, Less Than 0.5% of Each: Natural Flavors, Citric Acid (Provides Tartness), Modified Cornstarch, Glycerol Ester of Wood Rosin, Sodium Hexametaphosphate and Sodium Benzoate and Potassium Sorbate and Edta (to Protect Taste), Red 40 Make Lemonade.

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How can you tell that the Filipino presidential candidate Grace Poe is an alien? From her extra set of retractable jaws and highly acidic body fluids.

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A grandma says come on twinkies and the teinkies say were terriosts from your lost hole

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Once a upon of time, cow said chicken go cluck. Years later, mustard was like a ketchup. I said it was good. Oh yea baby. It was a good day.

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Q: You know why the floor is so clean? A: Because the janitor puts a lot of hard work into it.

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I don't drink. I'm not 21.

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What do you get when you cross The Incredible Hulk and King Kong? Two angry fictional characters.

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Stand back, I don't want to hit anyone with the axe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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