what's longer than my shlong? .... nothing

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How many Soviet Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, in Soviet Russia, light bulbs are an unavailable commodity because the tyrannical government has called for a ban on unnatural illumination. A fact which is not lost on Mikhail, the light bulb maker whose wife died because his lack of business caused him to miss payments on his hospital bills.

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Your mom is so ugly that you should buy her a paper bag to cover her face because she is just so very unattractive that it burns mine and everyone else's eyes.

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chuck norris won the world series of poker using his superior knowledge of counting cards and calculating probability.

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A lysdexic man trys to rite a joek... the people who tried reading it got confused and offered help in rewriting it.

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last night i was doing some guy in the ass. i went to give him a reach around and the homo had a boner! freakin queer.

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why is walmart so big? Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping and affordable low prices. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory that a typical person should or could ever possibly need all in one place.

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Before Marriage: Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait. Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No don't even think about it. Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will. Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: Never. Why are you even asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get. Girl: Will you hit me? Boy: Hell no. Are you crazy? Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yes. Girl: Darling! After Marriage: (Read from bottom to top)

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Q: Why did Timmy cry? A: You would too if you had your arm cut off

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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

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Roses are red , Violets are blue You little dumb ass bitch Ain't fuckin' with yoouuuuuu

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Why did Schrödinger's Cat cross the road? It didn't

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whats brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre

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Why did the pelican cross the road? The man did not reply because his mother recently died in a car accident while crossing the road. She also loved pelicans.

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How babies can you fit in a car seat? 1

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A horse walks into a bar, and is then put down because of the injuries it sustained from the impact.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We have your test results, You have cancer.

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"What the hell is wrong with you?" "..."

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Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a dog house, if your parents are a washing machine and a dryer? A: Trick Question, dog houses can't fly!

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What do you call a black man, an asian man, and a white man walking down the street? 3 men walking down the street.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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whats worse than getting caught by a teacher for chewing gum? getting kidnapped by a giant hawk.

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What's big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock eater.

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Parents who drive with children on their lap should be wrapped with a huge diapper

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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