A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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There are two types of people in this world, those that can't count

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An American, a French man, and Jew were all in an airplane about to skydive. Their skydiving instructor comes out and says, "I'm sorry, there seems to've been a mistake and we only have two parachutes." The company refunds them, and they, while reasonably disappointed, agree to reschedule the lesson.

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why was 7 afraid of 6?that is impossible it is older than six and stronger than its mother

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whats orange and cant talk? an orange

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How do you kill a baby swinging on a rope attached to a pole at 40 miles an hour? Hit it with a shovel.

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Who is green? Mike Wazowsky.

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How do you hurt a clown? shoot it.

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Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorius!

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Whats pink and silver and runs into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes. Whats green and silver and sits in a corner? The same baby three weeks later.

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What happens if you drop a baby of a cliff It dies

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what happened to those kids sandusky raped? who cares

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Why cant Sally ride her bike? Because she has ceribal pausly

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What is more annoying then finding a worm in your apple you

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“DTF”? Says Will. “No” says Harper.

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Nerochan, it was really nice chatting with you, I hope we can chat some other time... Please tell me why you are upset with me, just pick up the phone, I mean let me know what I did you wrong.

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When a fat lady walks by what do u think? R u fat or pregnant

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Why are Indians so bad at football? Curry

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Who looks like Justin bieber, and is really cool? Justin Bieber, but I lied about him being cool.

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Joseph Coney could die... or worse... he could do anything but that....

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A man with no legs walks into a bar. Just kidding...

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Why'd the littler girl fall of the swing? because a drunk driver ran through the swing, the little girl was killed. he was later charged with manslaughter.

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How do you torture helen keller? Waterboard her.

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How do you kill a cripple? You bite its fucking face off

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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