A dog walks into a bar. He's a service animal, so this is allowed.

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What do you say to a horse at the vet? Good god, look at that ear infection.

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What is the difference between a urologist and a can of chili? One is hot and spicy, and the other analyzes urine.

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whats brown and has wings? a stick, i lied about the wings bit

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Why did Johnny throw the clock out the window? His parents are never around to supervise him.

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What's worse than watching paint dry or grass grow? Watching paint dry on grass.

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What did micheal Jackson get for Christmas?a restraining order!

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What's the difference between Batman and a black guy? One is a guy that dresses up like a bat and fights crime and the other is just a mild-mannered person.

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"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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What's red and has four letters? A stop sign

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Q: What did the homeless man say when he was mauled by a bear? A: Ouch.

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jess always squints her eyes when making a point

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Your mother is so obese that she has over the recommended daily calorie intake on a regular basis.

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How many lemurs does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.

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Why did the circus clown lose his balance? He had a seizure while on his unicycle, fell off, and bumped his head, leading to significant blunt trauma in the brain. Weeks later, after waking up from a coma, the doctors discover that he can no longer speak anything other than gibberish. His friends and family decide that he cannot go on living this way and decide to pull the plug.

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What did the African-American toddler from Compton get for his birthday? Most likely nothing, seeing as his father left his mother briefly after his birth, and his mother uses all of her money to feed her heroin addiction.

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How do you get someone to paid attention to etys You don't, there is no such thing as retys

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Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? Watching your mum get sandwiched by two black guys...

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like this or you will die at some point in your life

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Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? it has no legs.

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

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how do you kill a blonde with a pistol Put the clip in and shoot her

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Whats the most impotent thing to remember when your going skateboarding? A skateboard.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there happened to be road in the vicinity of the fowl and the odds of the bird crossing it is very high.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops