How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

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Why do people laugh at anti-jokes? Because of a chemical reaction to a neurological phenomenon that results from the brain's response to external stimuli.

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What did the cannibal say after he ate the clown? I am not sure as the tragic situation occurred while the clown was hiking alone.

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How many black basketball players does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They're all rather tall therefore they can reach the light source with ease.

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Guy gets new car. TRANFORMER!

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Chose to describe yourself: Green thumb: Tall wealthy, good looking, intelligent man with a model wife, a ferrari expensivo, a hotel just for yourself. Red thumb: A below average piece of shit? Green thumb? Dont lie to me you piece of sh*t!

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An overweight person falls down the stairs.. They had to be taken to A&E as they suffered very serious injuries.

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What's a worse place to be besides the friendzone? On your grandmas lap crying because your parents just died in a car crash.

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What noise did Helen Keller make when she fell out of the window? None. She wasn't aware that she was falling and died immediately upon impact. @rowakaflocka

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What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To get to the other side.

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why does her hair shine so nicely? she uses good shampoo.

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knock knock who's there? the paperboy the paperboy who? i lied, i'm a serial rapist, you should have looked through the peephole

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Do you know what the forest fire got for Christmas? Your house

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Knock Knock whos there? Semore Frickelson Semore Frickelson Who? What other Semore Frickelson do you know!? Let me in its freezing out here!

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Why is it unpleasant to eat a meal with lots of basketball players? Because they will be focussing entirely on discussing tactics (especially if there is an upcoming game), and therefore will probably not be displaying good manners or making polite mealtime conversation.

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Do you know what the worst part about inbreeding is? - It's runs in the family!

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Names.

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He who laughs last...is not a laughing owl because they're extinct.

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How do you get a Mexican's attention? "Excuse me, may I have your attention?"

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what do you get if you cross a scotsman , who knows nothing about football and a indian? Blackburn rovers, and a good night out

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Doctor: “Knock Knock” Patient: “Who's there?” Doctor: “The interrupting Doctor” Patient: “The inter- Doctor: You have cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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