A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why did the Jewish business man cross the road? A: to go to his reasonable paying job at a business.

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I like my women like I like my coffee... In a cup.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to, like any other chicken

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So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

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Why was the grandomther crying? She just got pepper sprayed.

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Why did the man fall off of his bike? Because he is a Sikh who was mistaken for a muslim after the events of 9/11. His neighbors for 5 years have turned on him and now are throwing rocks at him to alleviate their anger while he is biking to his minimum wage job as a janitor at the local burger king, trying to make money for a family that doesn't love him anymore

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Why did the old woman put roller skates on her rocking chair? She had dementia.

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What is white, sticky, and something that gay people and women love? Frosting.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? the holocaust

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why aren't doughnuts square? because they are round

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What do you call a bear in the rain? A wet bear.

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How come Asian's are so clever? Their baby food is blended textbook paste.

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Why can't Helen Keller just kidding she's dead

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What did the man do to the begging orphan on a cold Christmas morning? He kicked him.

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How meny Jews can you fit in an ash-tray? None. There to big

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A blonde walks into an electronic store...she buys an IPhone because someone stole her blackberry, her money, and everything she cares for. Nah, I'm just kiddin', she was murdered.

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What kind of people have fat lips? People who have gotten punched in the lip or have suffered a serious lip injury that has caused their lips to swell up.

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What do you get when you mix a bulldog with a shitzu? One delicious smoothie.

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A: Do you want to hear a joke? B: A ladie not working in the kitchen A: WTF dude thats just terrible

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What's the difference between a clever trick and a computer programmer? A clever trick throws you for a loop, and a computer programmer throws you a for loop.

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Did you know that if you say "gullible" slowy, it still sounds like you're saying "gullible."

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The stone said to tree I wanna be car the tree replied you cant be a car. Forever a stone

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What is said about the man who is addicted to online gaming? He plays more than 5 hours per day and doesn't have any social contacts or whatsoever.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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