Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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There were three guy's caught trespassing on a farmers land. The farmer said he wont kill them if they did what they were told, he told everyone to pick one fruit. The 1st guy came to him with grapes. The farmer told him to shove it up his butt so he did, the 2nd guy came to the farmer with orange, the farmer told him to shove them up his butt but the guy kept laughing, the farmer got angry and snapped whats so funny? My buddy over over there is picking watermelons.

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What do you call a black man with no legs? A fine example of the consequences of drink driving. Make sure you are physically stable or not under the effects of depressants, drugs or any form of alcohol before deciding to use a motor vehicle.

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A blind man walks into a bar. He had a few drinks then went home.

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What did the man say to his wife before she made him a sandwhich? Do your job and make me a sandwhich.

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How do you wake up lady gaga Set her alarm clock to an appropriate time

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why did bob marley die because he did also he smoked weed he was naughty!

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What do Tutankhamun and Elvis Presley have in common? They're dead

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what did katness save her Life? because peter hates her and katness is peaches and peter dies in the titanic because it is gay shut up becky

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Q: Why did the 10 year old squirt his dad with the water hose? A: What to year old WOULDN'T?

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Chuck Norris once round-house kicked someone so hard that he broke his leg.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got ran over by a car.

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What does the fox say? "It's called a hustle, sweetheart."

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What's white and black? Color blind.

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A black man, a chinese man, and a dog decide to have a race. Unfortunately, they are shot by a sniper on a roof while still in the planning stages.

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What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

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You know what's funnier than a pile of dead babies? A pile where one's alive in the middle, and has to eat his way out.

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What do you call a black man driving an airplane? A pilot.

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What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench? An effect of an overcrowded theme park

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PENIS

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

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What's 100 times worse that finding an worm in your Apple listening to Justin B. Sing! :-)

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is dead. Dead people can't drive.

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Why was the boy adopted........ because hes grandad

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops