roses are red violets are green id love to flick owen cliffords mams bean

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A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

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How do you stop a rhino from charging? An ak-47

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Three Blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says they're deer tracks. The second blonde says they're elk tracks. The last blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

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Why was the little girl lying on the floor? Because she had no arms or legs.

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What is worse than being killed in a car crash? Having your girlfriend in the car with you.

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In Soviet Russia, there was a movement to be renamed into the Russian Federation, which passed on December 25, 1991.

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Yo mamma so fat that when she gets in bed she gets sleepy

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A blond walks into a hair dresser's wearing a pair of headphones. The hair dresser tells the blond to take the headphones off so she can cut the blond's hair. The blond says that if they take off the headphones, then they'll die. The hair dresser works around the headphones, but finally needs to cut underneath the headphones. The hair dresser forces the blond to take the headphones off and nothing happened.

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A Jew, an atheist, and an Asian man walk into a bar. They all have a drink and then go home to their families

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What's the difference between a Jew and a bar of soap? You don't rub your balls with a Jew.

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You want to know something bad? A bag of dead babies. You wanna know something worse? One was still alive. You wanna know something even worse? He ate his way out. You wanna know something even worse? He went back for seconds.

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I beheld M.Bison/Raul Julia, as I fell down from the sky LIKE LIGHTNING! Your friendly r*pist Moral Man: You don`t like me? MAAN That gets me on... As for Horny, I was born with two of them... The third is a burning stake. ...So you like me... Meh! No fun when they don`t struggle nor squeal, even if they do scream in pain...

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Roses are red violets are purple what the hell happened to your ugly face

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What is the worst joke ever? This one.

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What do you get when Justin Bieber mates with a beaver? Nothing, the species are too genetically different to produce offspring

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why did the black man apply for a job at kfc? His family was in debt after the loss of his father.

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One time there was a guy who jumped off a bridge and died

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roses are red violets are blue this verse doesn't ryhme and neither does this one

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Q. why did the boy who just had his first kiss feel no emotion? A. He got hit a Croquet mallet and died

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What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? The extinction of the human species.

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Biting into another apple and finding the other half

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When life gives you melons you may be dyslexic.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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