Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. "Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister. "Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over." The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church. "That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

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What's more horrible than Twilight? Hitler.

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mark is life

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a little girl is playing outside of her house when i man in a van approaches her and stops to ask if the girl will help him find his puppy and that he has some gandy. seeing as the girl has a great love for animals she gets in the van. the man and the little girl drive around until they find the puppy. the man is so overjoyed her rewards the girl with candy. he then drives her back to her house and she feels wonderful having helped the man find his puppy. the end.

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A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

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What do you get from M&M bags? M&Ms.

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Have you seen Ray Charles' new house? Neither has he...

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How do you turn a piece of meat into a vegetable Break her neck

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What does a squirrel get when it rains? It gets wet.

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What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a pair of scissors? Nothing. That's not possible with current technology.

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anti jokes are really funny

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Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: The wheel chair.

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Technically rainbows are white.....and have gold at the end.

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What did the boy with AIDS, polio, one eye and one arm get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Yo mama so fat because it's in her genes.

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Knock knock. Get out!!

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What's the difference between a police officer and a green dinosaur? They both aren't cabbages.

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If X = 3 and Y = 7, what is X + Y = ? It doesn't matter. You forgot to put your name on the test which means you got an automatic fail.

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How many moose does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, it is biologically and theoretically impossible for a moose to climb a ladder and screw in a light bulb.

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what is awesome but stupid at the same time? school i lied about the awesome part :p

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knock knock? who's there.......... MEEEE :D hehe

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How does a black man get down the stairs? He walks.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue If you think this is gonna rhyme, You're dead wrong.

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what do you call it when everyone becomes tolerant about gender identity. whatever pronoun it prefers.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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