- Anti Joke

What did the blonde say when she fell out of a tree? Nothing, she shattered her trachea upon landing.

How many zombies can you kill at once? about one or two unless your Chuck Norris with unlimited powers.

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom says, "What? I'm a fungi." The bartender replies, "Exactly. That's a health hazard. The health department already gave two strikes and if I lose the bar my wife will divorce me."

eyebrows up means ur flirting this isnt a joke dont laugh

An elephant walked into a bar. By bar I mean jungle. Elephants aren't capable of walking into a bar.

When a fat lady walks by what do u think? R u fat or pregnant

Q: How did the girl in high school become so popular? A: She got pregnant

How many tacos does it take to feed an angry person? You better tacover it!

So, what happens when Germany attacks France? France proceeds to slaughter the attackers mercilessly, as it was during the Feudal Ages, a time when France was Europe's superpower.

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? finding two worms in your apple

what is worse than 10 dead babies in a trash can? 11 dead babies in a trash can

justin beiber sucks

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate says, "I know, I was just raped by a group of men who thought it would be funny to humiliate me as much as possible. The bartender then called 911 seeing that a horrible crime had just been committed.

I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

Which came first, The chicken or the egg? Well, Firstly, I suppose that depends on if we are discussing Creation or Evolution. If we are talking about Evolution, The Chicken must Logically have evolved from an egg laying creature, one which was similar to, but not quite a chicken, so, the first chicken hatched from the egg of said creature. However, if we are discussing Creation, there is no way to discern which the deity in question decided to create first, so, even odds. Therefore, Logically, there is a 75% chance the Egg came first. However, if we are discussing Chicken Eggs Specifically, the reverse is true, because the egg the first Chicken hatched from would not have been a chicken egg, it would have been the egg of another creature, a "proto-chicken" if you will. and so, in the evolution scenario, the Chicken came first. Still, in this situation, there are even odds as to which a creator may or may not have created first. Therefore, Logically, in this Scenario, there is a 75% chance that the Chicken came first

What do you call a quadriplegic man at a museum? "Sir," unless you happen to know his given name, in which case it would be most polite to call him that.

Why is the Holocaust/Worm in your apple joke the highest rated joke on Anti Jokes? Most of the viewers of this website clicked on a thumbs up symbol directly below the joke, which by the coding of this website triggered an algorithm that caused the number adjacent to this thumbs up button to increase and also caused the joke to appear higher on the list of most popular jokes.

How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Matters the size of the bathtub and the size of the babies.

What did the doctor say to the morbidly obese man? "You should get on a diet. It's a surprise you're even alive for so long with such a bad heart" The next day the man dies while eating celery.

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

What did the farmer say to the cow that asked for food? No.

A: Knock Knock (waits for an answer) oh there's no one in.

A priest walks into a drug den, most people would say this is pretty contradictory to his implied beliefs.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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