whats red and hard to eat a brick.

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Why didn't Little Timmy's parrot talk? It's neck had snapped.

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why does david stutter during meetings. because he smiles till his cheeks hurt

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Why can't Anne Frank write a sequel? Because she's dead.

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I've been hearing a lot of Jew jokes lately, Anne Frankly I'm sick off it.

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What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes home from camp.

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What did the apple say to the carrot? Nothing, apples don't talk

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What is a hammer? It's not a screwdriver

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Knock Knock? Who's there? Orange! -door opens- You fucking come over here selling oranges one more time Julio and I will have you deported.

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Did you here about the guy who kidnapped Liam Neeson's daughter? Well, he died

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Pee is yellow Shit is? brown My shit is yellow WTF

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Q: What do you call a drunk man driving a Corvette with no arms, no legs and a missing eye? A: A severely impaired driver

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A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?" The guy didn't respond because he was deaf.

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Knock knock. Who's there? A bad joke.

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A man invented a time machine that didn't work. Because he wasn't a scientist, he was an ice cream man.

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In this country, you gotta get the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, you get shot the F*** up at the end of Scarface.

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What's worse than eating a baby? Eating two babies filled with maggots.

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Four men are stranded on a small desert island. The first of them decides to build a raft out of bamboo, but it only has room for one passenger. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he shouted to the men on shore as he left, but a band of pirates killed him in the middle of the ocean. The second castaway was more clever, and built a submarine out of bamboo and sealed it with hides of animals they had killed. He counteracts the buoyant force with sand. In this way, he planned to avoid the pirates by being underwater. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he exclaimed as he sealed the one person sized chamber of his submarine, but not far off shore, he runs out of oxygen and suffocates to death. The third castaway learned from the mistakes of the first two, and in spite of the unpredictability of handcrafted aerial vehicles, he makes a glider. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he shouts from the hill top of the island as he leaps off and glides over the horizon. Though the journey is fraught with peril, he makes it back to civilization and is reunited with his family. It is expensive, but he prepares an expedition back to the island where his fourth comrade remains. It is worthy to note that on this small island, all the means of making shelter had been used up in the construction of the raft, submarine, and glider. The fourth castaway was found dead from exposure to the elements.

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You wake, and up for a second you are dazed. Then you open your eyes slowly because you are afraid of what is to come. You then remember oh right I had a sleepover at john smith's house.

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Ask me what my name is. What's your name. My name is Jeff.

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So three Jews walk into a Biker Bar. Despite the fact that is was a self-proclaimed "Biker Bar", the group of men inside were in fact rather open-minded, and had no issues with new members. They had a rich conversation, and frequented the bar thereafter.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was in a van headed to the slaughterhouse.

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Why did the teacher fall on her face? She was shot in the back of her head.

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why did the plant eat a banana? it was hungry

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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