Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a disease, it's called cancer.

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Why is McDonalds bad for you? Because their is so much fat in all its products, and contains many calories.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

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Q: where was Johnny during the bombing? A: everywhere

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? Well i would imagine one of various names for a domesticated animal and she would choose the name based on her likes towards nature or an element of nature, being the educated individual she i would think she may name it base on a person of importance, such as an author or maybe a writer that inspires her.

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Why do black people like watermelons so much? They don't. It's just a stereotype.

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Why did the basketball team from Detroit win the youth championship? Because they had a good coach amd dedicated, hard-working players.

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What’s spotty, has three legs and is green all over? …well?

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What is the different on a black guy and a bicycle ? The black guy steals the bicycle, but the bicycle dont steal the black guy. Yes, my bike got stolen ...

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Why's Jeds head so big? Curley wurly.

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Why did Billy fall off the slide? Someone threw a refridgerator at his face.

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A blonde was taking a Math exam, so she brought her Asian boyfriend with her. It turns out they were going to his father's retirement party afterwards.

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"I see," said the deaf man, to the blind man, who had no ears.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Nothing, because he is an orphan.

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An aspiring lawyer walks into a Bar. He will find out if he passed in a few months.

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Mike lost his arms in a car accident. Knock knock Who's there? Not Mike.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have cancer, Herp Derp

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What did the Zen Buddhist say in the hamburger store? He said, "Make me one with everything."

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What do you call an Amerindian who finished medical school? A doctor.

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the next time someone says "yolo" im going to pull out my shotgun and reply "sadly..."

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What do you call somebody who can't walk? Handicapped

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How do you stop a baby flying 100mph? a shovel

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Dad, if I say shit or somethin... Dad: FALCOWN PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCH!

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why was Michael Jackson at K-Mart? They offer high quality items at a reasonable price and lay-away during the holidays.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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