At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

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Q: What do a hockey coach and a bar stool have in common? A: because seven ATE nine

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jeffrey: Do you know what happened on the 5th of november? gerald: No jeffrey: I cant remember

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There's a tray of muffins in the oven. One muffin says, "man it's hot in here!" Another muffin says, "holy shit! A talking muffin!"

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Knock knock whos there? Its me, your doorbell is obviously broken Okay, hold on a sec. Please hurry up, its really cold I cant seem to find my key Its probably on the coffeetable, where you always keep it. No, its not there Check the floor underneith Oh, right, there it is.

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You wanna see something really scary?

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what is green an invisible? this cabbage

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A horse walked into a bar, and the bartender asked, "Why the long face?". The horse replied, "It's evolutionarily efficient to have an elongated skull so that I can eat vegetation with ease."

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Why couldn't my grandpa use a cell phone? He didn't have hands.

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What would Chuck Norris do if you insulted him? Nothing. He probably doesn't have time for such foolishness.

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whats something naked and nailed to a cross? jesus, idiot.

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Wanna hear a joke? Ruddell had sex.

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What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? One is a devotee of the torah, one is a delicious meal.

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Why has Bugs Bunny got big ears? Because he's a rabbit

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas? A bike.

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What do you call a man with a limp? A limping man.

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Mine.

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Q: What did the 6 year old cancer patient say he wanted to be when he was older? A: Doesn't matter he died

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Hey Skrillex! Can you do me a favor and hold this bass for me? Sure thing, no problem. 3 seconds later... Oops! My bad! I just dropped it.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? I have cancer.

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Waseem is such a hard worker on Anti Joke all day.

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what do you call a unicorn crossing a bridge? nothing there fake

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why did the turtle beat the rabbit ? because the rabbit eventually got shot

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What's the difference between a good anti joke, and a bad anti joke? There literally is no good anti joke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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