An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

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What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheelchair

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Why did a car full of African-American men pull up to a lonely, caucasian man walking on the sidewalk at 12 p.m. in Harlem? To ask for directions.

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It's a bird! No, it's a plane! No, it's actually a bird. You can see its wings flapping.

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How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

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What's the same about a duck-billed platypus and a duck? They both have a duck bill on their face... Duh!

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What do you call a muslim in an airport? A muslim going on vacation you racist bastard.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Will farrow now gimme your hentai"

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What do you call a unicorn that is both invisible and pink? The Invisible Pink Unicorn.

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What's the opposite of white? Black. You're racist. You fapped.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because Osama bin Laden is dead.

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Hellen Kellers dad put a plunger in the toiler and left it there. Hellen Keller went to use the bathroom and.. moved the plunger so she could take a shit.

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Beka has AIDS

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A man quites his job to open a coffee shop which has been a dream of his for years, The shop does well with a healthy supply of customers and a steady income,The man is now financially stable.

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a murderer sees a young child left alone at a park... he promptly finds the childs mother and returns her to her home.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? His car was parked across the street.

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What happens when a unicorn gets her period? You know it's a girl.

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miha kako si?

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What happens if you an 3ft size olive, a glob of red paint and rainbow colored glue on a table and rub your arm in it? You get olive, red paint and glue on your arm.

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What's another name for asexual reproduction? Parthenogenesis.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I like pussy Because it feels really good when I stick my penis inside her vaginal opening

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mommy mommy! why are we pushing the car over the cliff?! the mom answers shhh youll wake your father...

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A duck walks into a bar- nope, just chuck testa...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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