Why couldn't the color blind orphan find his apple? Because he was also blind.

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How do you make an emo kid cry? He already is.

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What did the sailor say to the shore? Ur a beach!

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Why can't Vampires go out in the sunlight? Because they don't exist.

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Why'd the guy fall off the building? I pushed him

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Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock? Who's there? Not Mary.

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What do you call a horse with bread on its ears? Boris, because that's his name.

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What is worse than getting shot in the leg? Getting shot in the head.

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How do you knock a clown off a swing? Hit it with an axe multiple times.

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What city likes baseball the most? New York

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Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you have consumed.

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Why didn't the scientist discover a cure for apathy? He simply lost interest in it.

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What did the poor family eat for thanksgiving? Food

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Faith, Family, Friends, those are three words.

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Why did the cookie go to the hospital? It had cancer.

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What did the boy call the man that kicked the cat? "Sad twat"

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What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for his birthday? A basketball.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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"What's up?" "A movie about an old man who takes his house to South America by tying balloons to it, who accidentally brings along a young boy with him and they have an adventure."

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how do you save a black person that's drowning? you blow up their lips

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I can't wait to shove my finge in you

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Why did the boy fall off the bike? Because he was a paraplegic.

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What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center? Pepperoni

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no hands. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not sally.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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