if got a joke if fogot it

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How do you torture Helen Keller? You put her on a table and slowly pull her limbs off

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the doctor say to the pregnant mother? Your babies dead

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What happens to an elephant when it rains? It gets wet.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you do if a black man steals your flatscreen TV? Give up, he's probably in Mexico by now.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

This week only, 2 for 1 misdemeanor shop lifting arrest. How can I do it? Because I can.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

how do you make a plumber cry kill his family how do you kill the plumbers family with a wrench

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it's hot in here." The other muffin doesn't say anything because it is a muffin.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do a black lesbian, Adolf Hitler and Jesus have in common? They are all the subject of this question.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's more fun than throwing a dead baby off a cliff? Go-carts

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do boats and starving children have in common? They both float, except for the starving children.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's love like? Some people say it's like a lotus flower, others say it's like an orchid... Personally I'd like to say it's like a fire at the bottom of you're soul-- like when people sin and go to hell... that fire burns forever???

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the mother do when she found out the baby was stillborn? Gave it a proper burial, grieved for months and became a shell of her former self.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What is worst than 1 baby dead in a microwave? 2 babies dead in the same microwave !

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's red and looks like blue paper? Red paper

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Ludwig van Beethoven, John Coltrane, John Lennon, and Justin Bieber are out for lunch at a taco stand. The owner calls the police, and Justin Bieber is arrested for digging up corpses.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do blueberries, oranges, watermelons, doors, curtains, backpacks, spoons, asian men, bicycles, asian men on bicycles, shrimp, books, eagles, dinosaurs, watermelons wearing backpacks filled with shrimp and orange spoons, feet, limes, binders, paper, candles, chicken nuggets, tvs, chairs, floors, refridgerators, and humidifiers have in common? Barnes and Noble

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Shaman walk into a bar. The Bartender looks at them and says "What is this a Joke?"

thumb_up thumb_down -24

The WNBA

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How do you make a dick popsickle? ...IDK! I am asking you because you look gay.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did the Watermelon say to its baby? I'll SEED you later!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Tommy got neutered.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops