- Anti Joke

Little Timmy walks up to the teacher during class and asks "Can i use the restroom?" The teacher says "I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy says "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

What's worse than having to tie one of your shoelaces after walking 5 miles? Getting a 56 year old mixture of blood, urine and sperm injected in your asshole.

“Ok, time for bed” … is what I said to the empty living-room. It was getting late, and the internet no longer amused me. I picked up my cell phone, rooted through the couch cushions until I located the remote, and turned off the television that had been nothing but background noise for the last few hours. I made sure the front and back doors were securely locked, walked around the back of the couch, and turned off the only light. A tap on the screen of my phone created just enough light to keep from busting a toe on an errant table leg. Because my cats have an evil tendency to lie in the middle of the hallway, I aimed the small amount of light from my phone directly in front of my tired and shuffling feet. I’d only covered a small distance before I knew, from many nights of this same regimen, that I was getting close to the bedroom door. At this point my arm started the slow upward arc that would eventually illuminate the now pitch-black opening to the comfort of my room. The light emanating from my cell was quite dim, and this action had become quite rote, so my arc was about waist level before I noticed a slight variation of the familiar black of the open doorway. At that point, and in a disturbingly short amount of time, five things happened nearly simultaneously: My arm, the arm carrying the phone, continued to rise in its predetermined arc, having been an object in motion which would stay in motion. I released a small gasp and exclaimed to my husband that his sudden appearance in the dark had startled the breath from me. I remembered that my husband was at work. The light arc reached its apex on a face of protruding nail-like teeth. A face suspiciously bereft of eyes, with a gaping, oozing, bloody pit where a nose should have been. The light went out.

What do you call two gays with small dicks? Trace and Jacob

Once upon time the government was corrupt Jk, it always has been

Why is a man like a packet of cards? Both are organic.

Why didn't the white kid go to school? Because it was Martin Luther King day.

What's funny about Antijokes.com? Everything

What is worse than tripping over a stone, and falling face first into a dog shit, Not much..

Whats the difference between a blonde and a brunette? One is blonde and one is brunette.

Horse Head Huffer Network DIY LOLCAN'T BE UNSEENMEANWHILE INOBJECTIFACESCUMBAG STEVESHIT BRIX CHECK OUT OUR IPHONE APP! TwitterRssPOPULAR NEWEST RANDOM WRITE YOUR OWN! Anti Joke logo Write Your Own It's easy to take part, just type your text below! Solve Media Puzzle Challenge Your Answer Solve Media New PuzzleSwitch to audio puzzleMore Information... I have read and agree to the Terms of Service - View Terms of Service Submit Anti Joke What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline. Our Updated iOS App! We’ve just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn’t make the original cut (like comments) but they’ll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here. The Anti Joke Book NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we’ve resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book! MOAR?? Want more? You might be interested in… Anti-Joke Chicken Anti-Joke Triceratops Download Our Free App! Hay guise, our iPhone app was just approved! available on the app store! Pictures From Our Other Sites Extremeadvertisements-com-5cfadf EXTREME ADVERTISING Perfectlytimedphotos-com-b58760 PERFECTLY TIMED PHOTOS Ratemyexgf-com-633509 RATE MY EX GIRLFRIEND Ratemybattlestation-com-7e4d51 RATE MY BATTLESTATION Meanwhile-on-nascar-adc088 MEANWHILE IN Spoiledphotos-1218961875-34918 SPOILED PHOTOS Quotes From Other Sites “Five dollar women... WOO!.” via: Anti-Pickup Line “Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar.” via: Clarksonisms “Habanero flavourd knives and forks.” via: Pointless Inventions “the power to sh*t brix at will!.” via: Pointless Super Powers “Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for..” via: Things You Think Only You Do “You think you so slick with all your digs at my small Asian penis, but you didn't think this one through because you are no....” via: ethugtxt available on the app store! Anti JokeAnti-Pickup LineethugtxtPointless InventionsThings You Think Only You Do Feedback :: Advertising Inquiries :: Copyright :: Privacy :: Terms of Service ©2008-2014 Anti Joke. All rights reserved. A Horse Head Huffer Production. Horse Head Huffer Rails Hosting provided by BlueBox

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

There once was a man from Peru, Whose limericks all stopped on line two.

Knock Knock! Who's there? Delivery for a Mr. Peerson? Oh yes, that's me. Thank you.

Yo momma was so ugly that everybody died.

What is worse than getting stung by a wasp? Getting raped by a sexually frustrated bear.

How many ADD kids does it take to change a light bulb? Wanna ride bikes?

I tried frying some fish today, and it started sizzling at me. I took it as a direct threat and started yelling at the stove. Eventually it stopped and dinner was ruined, but I was proud of myself for winning.

Why dose my mom have a penis? She is a man

I used to work as a human cannonball. I thought I was going to get fired, however during one performance the trajectory was miscalculated and I ended up severely damaging my spinal cord. I now work from home as a IT consultant. It's depressing.

Why was the black man pulled over? Racism still lingers in today's society.

What did the man say when he lost his phone? Answer: I lost my phone!!

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says 'Why the long face?' The horse says 'My alcoholism is destroying my family.'

How do you stop a black man from drowning? Take away his glass of water.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops