Yo mamma is so old that she lives in a retirement home for the aged, and will most likely die there in several years.

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So I was walking along the beach one day and I see this whale. Then this dolphin named Lennie came up and was like, "Hey whale, how've you been? I haven't seen you in a while." And the whale was like, "Sorry, but I can't talk to you." And Lennie was like, "Whyever not?" And the whale said, "Because I'm not a starfish!"

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A police officer asks a witness of a murder what he witnessed. The man replies "A murder"

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Have you seen Whitney Houston's new house? Neither has she.

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why didn't the mexiczn eat the black man's cooking? because it wasn't good

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What do you get when you cross scabies with genital warts? Krusty Krabs.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? i lost my tractor

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Knock knock! Who's there? Bob Hi bob, come inside. And next time just use the doorbell

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if dragonflies have purple toe nails, then how many pancakes does it take to build a doghouse? canada, because snakes don't have armpits!

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What did the wall say to the other wall? I didn't say anything because it isn't living and it can't talk because it is impossible.

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My mom told me I was pretty, I know now that she is a liar.

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Why did the 60 y/o man take erectile dysfunction pills? His doctor prescribed them.

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What did the dead man say? Nothing because dead human beings have no beating heart and do not live so they cannot speak.

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What did the T Rex say to the pterodactyl? ROIRWR!!!

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Why did the police officer pull over the black person? He made a traffic infraction.

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light-bulb? I'm melting!

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Some guy pretends to be Santa on the street. He touches a little girl and says "It's okay i'm Santa" So the pedophile Santa molestes the little girl. The little girl goes home and says that Santa touched her so the parents go looking for this guy. And then they find out he died of a heart attack.

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What's hard, long and full of seamen? an erect penis.

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Did the single mother survive the plane crash? No.

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roses are red. vilets are blue. I'm getting hungry. make me some food...bitch.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks why the long face? The horse, unable to comprehend human speech, promptly craps on the floor and leaves.

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Knock Knock Whos there? Your neighbor.

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Why was the girl sad? Because she was, you idiot!

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Your mum's so fat that she's incredibly lucky she has a loving and supportive husband who values her personality over her appearance.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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