What does a bartender say to almost all of his customers? May I please see your I.D.

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Why did Janie miss school today? Because she fell in a well.

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how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop!? thats what she said

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What is the quickest way to a mans heart? Through his chest with a stick.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a homicidal maniac, six has every right to be afraid

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NASA sent a probe to Uranus and wondered why people were laughing.

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A blind guy walks into a bar because he can't see.

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why did the man jump off the building? to commit suicide.

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What did the boy with no eyes get for Christmas? Glasses

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Who am I? Your name is Harvey Jackson. Let's get you dressed so we can go downstairs for dinner. Nurse Holland will be helping you in a few moments.

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no, ten dead babies nailed to ten dead babies.

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What Does the Duck Say? "Got any grapes?"

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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Justin Bieber's Never Say Never 3D came out the other day. I went to see it, and it was a pretty good movie.

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your mama is so stupid stole a free sample

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Ring Around The rosy, Pockets full of posey, Just kidding they are roofies and i'm going to rape you

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h

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when your cable is on the fritz, you play video games instead. when you play video games, you get good. when you get good, you go to COD XP. when you go to COD XP, you lose to whiteboy 7th st. when you lose to whiteboy 7th st., you get into Skyrim. when you get into skyrim, you reenact cut scenes from skyrim. and when you reenact cut scenes from skyrim... ...you take an arrow to the knee... ...don't take an arrow to the knee. Get rid of cable.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Whats blue and smells like red paint? If you know the answer then you should probably stop sniffing paint.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it.

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Womens rights.

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Q: What happened to the 16 year old pregnant black woman? A: She gave birth to a baby in 9 months.

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You are so ugly that plastic surgery may be an option for you to consider.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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