Q. If the early bird gets the worm, what does the early worm get? A. Eaten...

thumb_up thumb_down +33

The shopkeeper said to a customer, "It's raining cats and dogs!" The customer said, "Okay, I'll take eight of them."

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What animal has four legs and one hand? Happy rottweiler

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's green and gets people high? A green helicopter

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did Helen Keller's cat kill itself? It didn't, I did.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What has one eye, three arms and one leg? A really weird person.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Whats the difference between babies and basketballs? You cant unload a truck of basketballs with a pitchfork.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One of them I like to eat, and the other one is a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A man sees a clown, a robot, and a monkey walking down the street side by side. The man ponders the randomness of life.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

what did the blind deaf mute boy get for christmas? some nice presents.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass...! I said "ass" a lot, sorry for the language

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Knock Knock! Whose there? Adolf Hitler

thumb_up thumb_down +31

My girlfriend once told me " Life is like a penis, it's hard."

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Whats big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead why did the dog fall out of the tree? because it was attached to the monkey

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What did the dinosaur and John Wayne say to the Easter Bunny? Nothing, they're both dead and the Easter Bunny isn't real.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Knock, knock. Whose there? Tits. Tits, who? SUCK EM'!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A priest a rabbi and an iman are stuck in the desert. After walking for days without rescue or civilisation in sight, and rapidly running out of food and water, they decide to each pray to their respective gods for rescue, and in doing so solve the ultimate question of which religion is the true religion. They all die.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Knock knock. Who's there? Pete. I'm here to tell you that your entire family just died in a car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What did John the accountant do when he saw a flying dog, He woke up from a wonderful dream and started his day

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Three men are walking down the street to buy groceries. They then take a left and continue walking towards the store.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Because you killed my Llama. He was my best-friend.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Roses are red Voilets are blue I have a gun Get in the Van

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops