The only silverware Frank Lampard will be lifting this year is his mums urn.

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a horse walks into a bar the bartender says"what can i get for you Sarah Jessica Parker"

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What starts with 's' and ends in 'ex'? S.e.x -XH

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new girlfriend? Neither has he.

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Q: What did the black man say to his Ex wife after she placed a restraining order on him? A: nothing, he was no longer allowed contact with her of any kind and thus could not converse with her

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What do you call 10 black people on the moon? A problem What do you call 1000 black people on the moon? A problem What do you call the population of black people on the moon? A huge problem

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "Is it hot in here?" The other muffin says "Yes. It feels like 425 degrees."

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Two nuns walk into a bar. There is a monkey between them, that they are both holding hands with. The bartender looks to them, and says "Hello sisters, I am sorry, but we do not allow wild animals into the bar. He's gonna have to wait outside," to which one of the nuns responds, "Oh, do not worry, this is no monkey, this is one of our sisters." The bartender is very confused. He chuckles, and says "Alright, well then your sister is going to have to wait outside." The sisters look at each other confusedly, but take the monkey outside, put it on a leash, and tie it to a pole. They proceed back inside, have a few drinks, and leave. The next night, the bar is a little more crowded. The bartender looks up and sees the two nuns entering. He checks to make sure there is no monkey with them, and there is not, so he goes back to serving drinks. A few minutes later, the two nuns are at the front of the bar ready to order drinks. The bartender smiles at them, "No monkey this time?" he asks. "Not tonight," says one of the nuns. "Alright," says the bartender, "what can I get you?" "I'll take a double bourbon," says one of the nuns. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and she'll have the same" says the other nun, motioning to a rhinoceros on her left. "What the fuck!!" yells the bartender. "How did you get this inside?! Where did you even get a rhinoceros?" He realizes these questions are unimportant, and runs to call animal control. By the time he turns around, however, the rhinoceros is gone. He goes to talk to the bouncer. "Dude, why do you keep letting in wild animals?" asks the bartender. "The hell are you talking about?" asks the bouncer. "Last night, two nuns walked in with a monkey, and tonight they somehow got a rhino past you. You didn't see that??" the bartender snaps. "Three nuns came in last night, and three came in tonight. No monkey, no rhino," the bouncer tells him. Meanwhile, as they walked home to the convent, one of the nuns says "Man, I haven't been drunk in weeks." One of the other nuns turns to her and says, "Well, maybe you should stop turning into an animal every time we get into a bar."

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Jason Connor.

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What’s black and white and red all over? A zebra in a meat grinder

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What's worse than finding a hair in your soup? Slavery.

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Your mom is so cheap, that she eats her cereal with a fork to save milk

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I just met you! And this is crazy! I just took bath salts, and yor face looks tasty!

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yo mamma's so stupid, she is not that smart.

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Q: why was the cow in the middle of the road? A: because it was dead

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Do you know what's not right? Left.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven had an extra penis.

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knock knock who's there? no one, but I appreciate the fact you asked.

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what did the boy say to the girl? make me a sandwich.

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whats worse than 9/11? 9/12

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Did you hear about the cannibal who had a wife and ate kids?

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An Asian teenager bought his first gun, and proceeded to go hunting with his father in the wilderness.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms Why couldn't she get back up? She blew up

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12 sea cows waddle into a bar... Yea, I bet, you'd like to hear the end of that one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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