How much coke can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men.

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A man walks into a bar and takes his seat. After a minute, someone shouts "133!" and this is followed by a couple of slight chuckles around the room. Later, "57!" is heard from the corner, followed by harsh laughter. After a while, someone shouts "66!" which is met by an uproar of uncontrollable laughter. The man, confused by the evening's events, asks the barmam what is going on. The barman explains, every joke has been told countless times so instead of reciting them, they are numbered and people call out the numbers. The man catches on to this, and therefore shouts "453!" which is followed by a deadly silence, because no one had heard that particular joke before, so 453 was just a number to them.

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Jesus was nailed to the cross by Roman guards... His disciples were kept behind a line of guards and they could not hear Jesus speak. They can see he was saying something, so they had to get closer to hear what he was saying. John dodged a guard and ran towards Jesus, but a guard cut his leg off with a sword... Peter ran for it and got past John but another guard cut off one of his legs... Matthew saw this opportunity to dodge both guards and jets past both John and Peter and gets to the foot of the cross... Jesus looks down at Matthew and says, "Matthew.... I can see your house from here!"

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A blonde and a brunette are out for drinks. The brunette goes home early as she has to be up the next day.

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What do you call a highschooler who smokes weed, shops at the mall, and has date-raped one girl so far? Popular.

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Roses are black Violets are black I'm blind

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What do you do when you see Godzilla? You offer him ice cream.

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Knock knock Who's there? A very long space I see what you did there

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When life gives you lemons, you realise that life isn't a physical object and therefore you have problems. Have a nice day.

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whats the difference between a pair of shoes, and a computer. alot.

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Why does dan leave Amy? Because dan is in another relationship and did not want to be unlawful to Amy.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.

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Q: What's worse than dropping your phone in water? A: Throwing water at your phone.

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why do i want to get raped because then its not rape

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didnt it hit a poll and died of brain damage the next day

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A man walks up to a gay guy and says "you are socially accepted"

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What do you call a Jewish wanna be gangster? Drake

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Two men walk into a bar. They get drunk.

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What do you call a blonde girl with ponytails? A cheerleader.

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Q: What do you call 10 black people in the ocean? A: A family having a good time on an exciting scuba diving tour.

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What do Elephants and Grapes have in common? They are both purple, except the Elephant.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Knock Knock Who's there I have Alzheimer's I have Alzheimer's who? Knock Knock

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what did the shark do when he died.....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops