Hook a finger from each hand in your mouth, now pull so your lips are tight and try to say "I was born on a pirate ship" I'm sorry, I can hardly understand you.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you stop a black man from running? You shoot his knee caps.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why'd the gay man get fired from the sperm bank? He was repeatedly late to work.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Actually it was me Josh brown

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How many blonde chicks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to set the house on fire, and the other to call 119.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was there no girl on the swing set? She decided to get off of the swings.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

why did the Jew not attend school ? because he was 27

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Did you hear about the Irish man that accidently killed himself,he farted in the bath & drowned trying to smell it

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A dyslexic man walks into a bar. His own feelings of inadequacy over his learning disability have driven him to drink and is driving a wedge between him and his family

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Whats the difference of how a hot blonde and an ugly red head got in to the same collage with a sex addicted dean? Nothing they were both very smart inteligent women with respectables GPA

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why were 50 police officers in the supermarket? A tsunami had struck and they were cleaning out hundreds of bodies

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why does austin bell like it up the butt? Cause he's a cat a kitty cat meow meow meow and meow meow meow

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Who doesn't love finding money in your pocket when you go to put your pants on? a rape victim

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q: how do you test the sharpness of a knife A: stab someone MR

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A doctor tells a woman he needs to take her rectal temperature. The woman tells the doctor "That's not my rectum." The doctor promptly apologizes and conducts the rest of the check up.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What succeeds most of the time? The population of a field with grass.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

how do you wake up a cat? you break it.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a blackjack man driving a car? An average citizen.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the Jew lock the chest? Because that's where he was hiding the body.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why was the boy cold? Because he couldn't afford clothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the man punch the women? I don't know, but he served jailtime

thumb_up thumb_down -11

roses are red, violets are blue... thats what they tell me because im blind

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops