- Anti Joke

I painted my dog to look like pizza. Someone ate him. It was my mom.

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Duck, Duck who? Duck Sandwich

What is the difference between a urologist and a can of chili? One is hot and spicy, and the other analyzes urine.

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks: dude, what happened to your eye? The man replies: abuse.

Jake pulled out a gun and held it to his head, planning to fool his friends because he knew the gun was empty. Then his friend thought he was helping out his suicidal friend by stabbing him.

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes home from camp.

Why did the chicken cross the dairy farm? Sex.

whats the differnece between a bag of dead babies and a ferarri? nothing ill never have either

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken was trying to escape from the sad and depressing environment that surrounded him on the side he thus came from. Alas, he did not know that he would be soon hit by a drunk truck driver, who would also die, in a bright explosion of morbid flames and screams.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being ripped apart by an angry orangatang because orangatangs have the strength of ten men.

A man bets that his friend can't drink five beers in a row. His friend does it and says "See, I told you I can do it!" The man replies "No, I can't see, I'm blind."

"What's your name?" "Josephine." "Josephine?" "No, Josephine." "That's what I said." "I know,"

One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

2 penguins in a tub. one looks to the other an says, "pass the bar of soap." the other looks at him.."what do you think i am, a typewriter?"

Why did the slut suck a dick? Because she's a slut.

knock knock. who's there? no one. no one who? no one who?

How much does a polar bear weigh? about 900 pounds

what happened when a chicken laid an egg? it died

In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

If you're American when you go into the bathroom , and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom. Ha, joke is on you because Americans don't pee.

How do you earn a bunch of money all at once? Walk into Hot Topic and say "I have knives for sale!"

did you hear about the guy who got his left leg and left arm cut off? he's all right now

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops