A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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What animal was two legs and bleeds a lot? half a dog

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What's harder to pick up, a football or an anvil? It doesn't matter when you lost your fingers in 'nam.

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Roses are red, Violates are blue. I have an erection, and its lasted more then three hours

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what did the kid with no hair get for christmas? cancer.

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Son: i like gaming Mom: you are wasting your life *son jumps in trash can

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What do you do if life gives you lemons? Whoa... where did these lemons come from?

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Knock Knock. READ THE DAMN SIGN IT SAYS NO SOLICITORS!!! ... yeah.

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What did the black man buy at the store? Nothing he has no money

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have amnesia, i'm Skepta

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What's a worse place to be besides the friendzone? On your grandmas lap crying because your parents just died in a car crash.

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Why couldnt hellen keller drive because she was a women

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Yo momma was so ugly that everybody died.

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I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. I suffer from a debilitating sleep disorder.

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Q: What did the clam say to the postman? Moral: "Hey its me the worlds only talking clam! How you doing dude!"

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The Americans have just spent millions of dollars working on a pen that works in space. I would of just used a pencil.

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What did bob say when he was told his beloved parents were dying? "oh"

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your BANANA.

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Emily Scarpello...Fat Couch

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What's worse than aids? Being a virgin.

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Women, "Did just pinch my ass!?" Man, "Yes." Women, "Oh, alright then."

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Yo mama so fat when she goes to the gym, she makes her trainer skinnier.

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? The bench isnt going anywhere.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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