What's long,black and wrapped in something yellow ?? A twix

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why did u put your iphone in the blender?!?!? because i wanted to make apple juice..

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Did you know that if you say "gullible" slowy, it still sounds like you're saying "gullible."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A woman went for a midnight jog. She's been missing for 12 years now.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How many babies does it take to paint a barn? It depends on how hard you throw them

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I'm homeless.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had Alzheimers and forgot that he lived on the other side of the street.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A woman walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

You die of loss of blood, under a pile of first-aid kits

thumb_up thumb_down -9

So a guy is playing jeopardy and decides to choose the category "Therapist." so he tells the host, "I'll take the rapist for 200."

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What is older than history?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A Jewish man walks by a penny.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you call a black man walking on the side of a road? A Pedestrian

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Roses are blue Violets are polka dot I suck at rhyming Pandas

thumb_up thumb_down -9

yo momma so fat, Bob's furniture store is having a sale on wednesday at 5:00.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was six afraid of seven? Back when seven was in Vietnam, he sufferd Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and constantly has flash backs and irrational thoughts of six being with the veitnamese alliance and tries to viciously molest six whenever he runs out of anxiety medication.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

::ring::ring::ring:: Hello? Is your refrigerator running? Yes, yes it does! Why? I work for a local home appliance superstore and we are having a special on repairs and maintenance. Would you like to try our home appliance maintenance offer? I'm sorry no! I do not actually have a refrigerator. I only have a cooler. Bye! ::the man shuts off his cell phone and sets it on top of his styro-foam cooler as he mumbles to himself alone while on his boat, "Darn advertisement offers!" and continues to fish in the middle of the lake::

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was Joe lying on the ground? Because he got shot.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Released some juice and burst its skin.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the two blonds go to the bar together? Because they were carpooling to save money and help save the earths ozone layer that seals in all of our oxygen. They were also meeting some friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Michael walked into a bar, The rest of the bar initially erupted with laughter until the his carer made everybody aware that Michael suffered from brittle bones and that he had actually fractured his hip after colliding with the bar. People then understood the gravity situation as the bartender immediately dialled the emergency services. Michael managed to recover physically from the accident but to this day he is still scarred from the laughter aimed at him the night of his accident and is too afraid to return to the bar again in fear of being mocked despite the misunderstanding of the situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

-Knock knock. ~Use the doorbell. -Ding dong. ~The witch is dead!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the chicken cross the road? To try to go to heaven because his girlfriend Margaret was cooked into chicken sandwhiches, and he had no kids and he didn't want to marry someone else, so he tried to get ran over but no cars hit him so he cooked himself. AND so he became KFC-Style chicken wings. BUUUT since no one ate them, he grabbed them up from heaven and commented on how delicious he was and proceeded to eat more and then exploded, sending him to heaven's heaven. But it was just a dream. And Margaret had to do laundry some more today because he freaking caused a urine tsunami. You're welcome.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops