“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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How do you starve a Mexican? You stick him in a secure room and deprive him of food resources

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What's the difference between a blonde and a carrot? One's a human, the other's a vegetable.

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What did the cat say to the other cat? Meow

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How do you keep black people from your Kool-aid? How? You put it in a safe-deposit box.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face" The horse responds "My daughter has cancer"

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson play with my brother anymore? Because he's dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Lebron traveled

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What happened to the gay guy? He died of aids...

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What's worse than leaving the maternity ward with the wrong child? Being a parent.

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Who's gay? Justin Beaver

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he is quite wealthy.

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Whats the difference between right and left? I stabbed your mom with my left hand.

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Why did the bear fall down? I shot it. Why did the second bear fall down? It tripped over the first one.

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Instructions to make origami. 1.) Staple bagels to face 2.) Ask someone else to do it. 3.) Hang yourself because you are too stupid to figure it out yourself

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why dont they make black forks

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It's better if you don't understand

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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How many blonde chicks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to set the house on fire, and the other to call 119.

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Why was the unemployed dolphin trainer so sad? His life has no purpoise. In an unrelated topic, how is he unemployed id he is a dolphin trainer?

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What did the cow say to his family before he left the house? goodbye, because he was going to the slaughter house to get killed for meat

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I just wrote three jokes on antijoke.com ... nope, make that four.

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Why did the man go to Jupiter? Because he was on a mission for N.A.S.A.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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