knock knock who's there? Jehovah's witness GOOD BYE!

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Pickup line: Hey babe, do you know what time it is? Because I don't wanna be late for class and if you told the time, it will surely help me because I'll be able to arrive early at my class not to mention it would greatly improve my punctuality efforts to help me pass the class this semester. Geez, I remember back in middle school there was a guy name Billy Jones and he used to always be late for class. His name was Billy but we called him Bill. Bill was his nickname but his real name was Billy. Anyways, he was always late for class because he would always make the best barbecue ribs in town.... (45 minutes later...) ....and I told Bill, "Man, if you were to just ask what time it was it would greatly help you in arriving to class early." And he was was like "I know but..."And then I cut him off and I said "But nothing. I don't care what kind of barbecue ribs you make, you just can't do that." So there I was, me and him, sitting down and .... (3 hours later...) ...it was awesome. Boy, I remember back in the early 90's when I was at elementary school, it was a stormy weather and we had to go to class. That's when I met Clarissa. She was a really nice girl and I remember there was a time when... (to be continued....)

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Why didn't Joe catch the baseball? He got shot by a local gang.

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And so the baseball says to the tractor........ Your not my dad

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Who swept the woman off her feet? A kidnapper

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? No one, because a hollowed out pineapple carcass would not be able to last longer than a month in that high concentration of sodium.

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Why did the dog chase the cat. Cause he was fking hungry

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Man goes to the doctors, says doctor, im depressed. ive tried everything but i just cant see the bright side of life anymore, it seems empty to me, like theres no point in existing. The doctor certifies the man as clinically depressed and alerts the relevant authorities.

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Why didn't the man get into Harvard? Because he had bad grades

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: I didn't get to ask. He got hit by a car.

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Person1: wanna hear a joke? Person2: yeah Person1: ok

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Why couldn't the teenage pirate get into the movie? Because he lacked the required money for the ticket.

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Why didn't the pregnant, pro-choice woman have an abortion? It was a planned pregnancy.

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My wife was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. Yeh I didnt find it very funny either.

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How do you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? You can't take pictures with wooden legs.

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knock knock! who's there? Jim Jim who? Jim Goldenbach

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I have Alzheimer's Hey i just met you

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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If I was in a room with Osama bin laden and george bush, and my friend. And I had a gun with two bullets, I'd shoot my friend twice.

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Yo momma so fat that she was diagnosed with obesity and may need medical assistance in the future and will be reliant on you, her child.

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What's the difference between a baby and a tea bag? Tea bags don't scream when I dip them in boiling water

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Dam. Mothers Against Dyslexia.

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Why did the monkey cross the road? Because he saw the chicken do it.

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I put the STD in stud now all i need is U

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops