Hey I've got two stories. This one and the next one.

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Why did the blonde go to the post office? Because she received a phone call from them indicating that there was a package for her.

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Why did the kitten cross the road? Because its owners abandoned it.

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Why was the teacher having sex with her pupils? Because it was 2145 and that kind of shit is common then

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Whose your daddy? Not me

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You know what makes me smile? Facial muscles.

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Guess what What

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A: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Q: None! They shouldn't have to...

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Whats the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload one with a pitchfork

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why did the dead baby cross the road? it was stapled to the chicken

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It's not gay until eyes meet or tips touch.

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What is black and blue and red all over? A woman that just learned a valuable lesson.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

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A professor of literature asked me, "Young Sir, why are you burning those books?" I replied, "Because I need a fire to cremate the bones of your 3 sisters that I violently raped and murdered" He smirked in a witty and arrogant fashion, until raising his head and saying, "Bond, James Bond" He continued to massage his dick with his own pubic hairs before collapsing and dying

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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How do you stop an aboriginal from drowning? Take your foot off his head...

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What did the cheerleader get for christmas? Money, because she's a stupid w hore

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Knock knock. Who's there? Ed. Ed who? Ed Begley Jr.

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Why couldn't the infant read the book? Because he was blind.

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What's better than winning a gold medal at the paralympics? Winning two gold medals.

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What's more irritating than a half eaten apple? Some prick taking up half the page with shitty copy and past routine.

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What did the man say after jumping into a well? He didn't say anything because he died instantly after jumping head first into a dry, 20 foot well. His family mourned for three days.

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If you have a stroke, call 000

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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