A man runs into a bar and yells "Ow!!" He is hospitalized due to severe trauma to the head and spine.

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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If a tree falls on a deaf person, does anyone care?

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Who won the race between the turtle and the hare? Well, odds are the two creatures wouldn't race given that animals do not speak. However, if they were, the hare would most likely win a land race because of its powerful legs and agility. However, if the turtle happened to be a seaturtle and the race took place underwater, our dear little beloved turtle would win, having the advantage over the rabbit.

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Knock, knock. Now before I asked "Who's there" I first opened the door as then I can see who's there without having to ask them through the door.

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The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft by pulling down on one or both of the red tabs.

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A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants, so he says to the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, huh?" The pirate responds, "Arrrrrrrrr, it's for me carrrrr."

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knock knock whos there? ughh omg youre dying what yeah dear god ok ill call 911 no im fine its just a seizure ok get well soon

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I know that a lot of people don't like morbid jokes, for it isn't everybody's cup of liquidized dead baby.

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why did stuart buy an ipad from the mall. because he wanted an ipad

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Why was the blackman fired from his job? Beacuse he was late too many times which was unacceptable.

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Why didn't the scientist discover a cure for apathy? He simply lost interest in it.

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I dont think i could ever stab someone, I can barely get a straw through a capri sun

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Knock Knock Nobody Nobody who? Nobody, did you not hear what I just said.

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whats floppy and smells like trout? trout.

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Haikus usually make sense, but sometimes they don't refrigerator.

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What did the golfer do on his vacation? He played golf.

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-I have an idea! Let's play twenty questions! -Alright! But i have to warn u I have piss running down my leg

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What did the lawyer say to the doctor? - I am a lawyer and you're a doctor.

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An Irishman walks into a club. "Ow, that was almost as painful as that time I walked into a bar."

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Chuck Norris never shows emotion!!!... because he is a pragmatic person and thinks in a more logical manner.

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What separates man from animal? Divorce.

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What's the difference between a bench and a black man? The black man is alive.

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Q: Wy couldn't the T-rex grab the other Dinosor? A: Because he is extinct.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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