Last Christmas I gave you my heart. I am still waiting for a transplant.....

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I used to have a shirt just like yours, except it was green. And it was a bicycle.

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How do you not get disappointed at the ending for "Mass Effect 3"? Don't play the game, dumbass.

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Why can't the man get a good jod? Because he did not go to college and there for did not get a good education.

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. They order drinks, then leave without speaking to each other. It was pure coincidence they walked into the bar at the same time. They had no connections to each other, them being from three different countries.

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NO! I'm putting it in my front room, you sick bastard!

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Q: Why didn't the bunny eat the carrot? A: The bunny didn't have any carrots. Poor bunny.

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In the North people say "once upon a time." What do people in the South say? "Y'all never gonna believe dis shit!"

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Why don't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead!!!!

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knock knok Who's there The police, I regret to inform you your son was killed in a horrific traffic accident

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Q: What's worse than a baby nailed to a tree? A: Ten babies nailed to eleven trees.

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Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and they smell bad.

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Why didn't the boy want to go to school? Because it was 3am.

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Your mum's so fat, she should probably consult her local GP to insure she doesn't die of a cardiac arrest.

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why did the little girl throw a clock out of the window? because she wanted to see time fly

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is this the krusty krab? no, this is patrick.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? having your titties super glued to a triceritops' as cheeks while the triceritops has chronic diahrea

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How do you starve a black man? You deny his foodstamps ~Katie&Lena&Shelbey(:

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Meh, I dont want it anymore! You take it!

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A man with a PhD walks up to a college student and jokingly says "Hey dude, what did the hat say to the other hat?" The student replies "My name is Joe and a hat does not have a mouth, therefore it cannot speak." The student is then unimpressed on how uneducated the man is, also worring about how the man was able to receive a PhD.

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You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends nose. But you can't rob a bank. That's a felony.

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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what's worse than a dead baby? a pile of dead babies. what's worse than a pile of dead babies? a pile of dead babies with a live one underneath. what's worse than a pile of dead babies with a live one underneath? the live one has to eat it's way out. what's worse than a pile of dead babies with a live one underneath that has to eat it's way out? more dead babies dumped on the already existing pile. what's worse than the giant pile of dead babies with a live one underneath that has to eat it's way out, but there are more dead babies piled on top? this is all in your basement.

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why did the kid die? his mom shot him

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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