What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an orange and finding a worm.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side... (other side as in the afterlife, for it committed suicide by crossing the road)

thumb_up thumb_down -23

what is my catphrase nothing I am too good to have one

thumb_up thumb_down -23

God, you know after creating humanity and kinda regretting it and stuff, fell into drinking and betting. He found Sin a fellow poker player, and all was good. Until God, drinking a bit too much bet a bit too many of his creds: Son. Jesus: Yes father. God: Uh, I kinda ended up low on cash on the poker game last night and I kinda well... I am gonna be frank here, I bet you and lost. NeroMetal Not dissing the bible, just enjoying the always brighter side of life eh? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A successful, articulate, charming, well mannered, rich, young man walks into a bar.... Every night

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did Bob drop his ice cream? Because he got hit with a super models TIttys

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How many black men can you fit into a mini? Five One in the drivers seat. One in the passenger seat. And three in the back seats. Anymore would be both dangerous and impractical due to the small interior volume of the car, and it would also put a significant strain on the cars limited engine power. Especially when tackling a steep incline.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What's worse than finding your whole family dead? Nothing. Finding your family dead is terrible.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A: knock knock A: knock knock knock... A: door bell

thumb_up thumb_down -23

guess what what ...

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Q: what happens when Justin Bieber walks into bar? A: three things, blood on the bar floor, another vister at the celebrity hospital, and Justin Bieber with knifes and darts stuck in his chest!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why do fat people commit suicide

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Whats long hard and full of semen? A dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

what do you call lots of jews on a train? Call them what you want they aren't coming back!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Guy 1: So how did you get into hospital Guy 2: I was drinking near my computer Guy 1: So why did it explode? Guy 2: (Doesn't reply)

thumb_up thumb_down -23

So there were these two ovens in a muffin. One oven said "Holy fuck it's muffiny in here." The other oven said "Holy fuck a talking oven!"

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "We don't serve food here." The sandwich charges the barman for discrimination.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the blonde cross the road? To get to the Public University where she worked as a Ph.D associate professor of linguistics.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the man ask the woman on a date? They were both single and looking for a unique, romantic experience that could possibly turn into a long-term loving relationship.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What can you tell by a black guy who walks into a bank with a ski mask on? His face was severely disfigured in a horrific accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

The last head of Satan, is oh but what you blamed upon Your faults, Your sins. The thoughts of Madness written here, yet potent enough to cloud Your thoughts.... Wait not forever children of man, as eternity is at its peak, the false prophet IS AMONGST US! But what side is he on? The last ditch attempt to protect humanity from a raging jealous vengeful God? Say it is not so! Say that darkness is not the only thing standing against you and eternal damnation... ...Yet you killed his only true child, you stole his name, his essence... Even his Identity... ...Even the Angels white are powerless to stop him, Your maker, Your true maker, for what is the grief of the holy, from which you took his only son... ...As you celebrate once and once anew... :...Merry CHRISTmas, to all of those of you all now left behind... Celebrate it well, as before the world reaches 2017, is where it all ends...

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What is the best part about being a rapist? The orgasms.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops