My Friend Philip had his lip removed today. he is just Phil now.

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What's yellow and smells like cheese? Cheese.

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What did the little boy want to be when he grew up? A cone

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What do you call a man who's being followed by 18 black guys? Dave, he's going to work and is stuck in traffic

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'How do you make a plumber cry? Buy him a belt for Christmas.

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A man walks into a bar. He hasn't been there before, and it's a Friday so it's really crowded, and it's really quite a dive, so he and his girlfriend decide to leave and find somewhere else to eat.

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A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His family receives the news and become the talk of the town. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

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FAMOUS DUDE:SWAG! Thank you, thank yo- HEY NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY, NO YOU CANT HAVE MY-KABOOM AUDIENCE: . . . YAY CLAP CLAP CLAP.

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a murderer sees a young child left alone at a park... he promptly finds the childs mother and returns her to her home.

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knock knock who's there jehovas witness... ...I allow them into my house for a cup of tea and a chat as I respect their religion

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin Holy shit a talking muffin

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms

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I'm Donald Trump! Wump wump wump! What's good for the goose Is good for the gander I'm Donald Trump!

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I agree to the terms and conditions

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and a bag of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Why can't Hellen keller drive? Because she's a woman.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a chimpanzee and a zebra. A: A crossover between a chimpanzee and a zebra, mixed together.

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Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, hes allergic to it.

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A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The Mexican; the black man had too much alcohol and the Mexican was the designated driver.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? ... it wanted to cross the road.

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Whats big, red and will cause severe injuries possibly fatalities if it falls out a tree? A phone box

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why was 6 afraid of 7? Because ever since 3 died, 7 had changed. He had turned aggressive and randomly snapped and hit out at some of the other numbers for no apparent reason.

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I need a side cart on my motorcycle just for my diick

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A duck walks into a bar- nope, just chuck testa...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops