It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

How do you starve a Mexican? You stick him in a secure room and deprive him of food resources

Why did it take Da Vinci so long to paint the Sistine Chapel? Because it was painted by Michaelangelo.

Ask me about my wiener. How's your wiener? I don't have a wiener, I'm a woman.

What did the old lady call the black pilot who's name was Marcus? Marcus

Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

Remember when Jesse Ziegenbein was skinny? yeah niether do I

-Your momma is so ugly, she wasnt a model. -Am I supposed to be caring?

Why did the elephant die? It was murdered by poachers for it's valuable ivory tusks.

what did the brick say to the other brick? hello. the guy next to the bricks was shocked and went home and killed his wife then later higherd an indian man to give him a lapdance.

What happened to the lady? She queefed.

DAVE : did you hear the one about the poster? MICHAEL: what?

Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes A: Nothing - call an animal cruelty service

Based on every event that ever happened on Earth, where is a terrorist most likely to plant a bomb? Site B. Many more people play CS:GO than attempt to bomb any real-world location. Site A is a close second.

Why is a cat in the desert like Christmas? Because Egypt is a country of deserts, the Egyptians had cats and Jesus, Mary and Joseph escaped to Egypt in the Christmas story before Herod carried out his massacre in Bethlehem on baby boys of under two years old.

a murderer sees a young child left alone at a park... he promptly finds the childs mother and returns her to her home.

wat did one chicken say to the other bock bock

two elephants in a bathtub Elephant 1: pass me the soap Elephant 2: no, radio!

Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

What's orange and fluffy? Orange Fluff

Penis-biter

Why couldn't little Susie ride her bicycle? She had Cerebral Palsy.

A gorilla walks into a bar and gets a banana martini. The bartender thinks that this is peculiar, and then he realizes he is dreaming. He wakes up and tells his wife about this ridiculous dream that he had. His wife ignores him, and the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes that his marriage is in shambles.

A bear walks into a bar. Everyone evacuates as animal control safely asses the situation.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...