Why isn't Michael Jackson good at chess? Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She got shot in the head by her drunk step-dad.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you do to Jewish people? You Challah at them.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's the opposite of a joke? An anti-joke. You're reading one right now.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Yo Mama's so fat when she fell out of the tree she hit the ground very, very hard.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why was the man walking down the street late at night? Because he's homeless and has nowhere to stay.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q. What's long and hard and full of seamen? A. A penis. Oops, I misspelled "semen". Sorry. Also, to clarify, this doesn't describe the normal state of the average penis. Usually they are flaccid, and they can only be said to be "full of semen" at the exact moment of ejaculation.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

what is the difference between lizzy and a momma hippo........ lizzy doesnt bathe.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q. What did the Vampire say when he ate the Pizza? A. Nothing. It is literally impossible for a vampire to be real, therefore it's insane if you thought it said something.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

why was the 6 afraid of the 7? because 7 was a registered 6 offender.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Two cows are sitting in a bathtub. One cow says please pass the soap. The other cow says nothing, cause it's a cow, making it incapable if speech. The other cow was just a guy in a cow costume.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Yes you better be sorry, I'm gonna suck my mums p e n i s tonight! - Dylan Hodge

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you call a deer with one eye? Nothing. The deer was transported to a specialist animal hospital and now has two working eyes, eliminating the purpose of this joke. We apologise for wasting your time.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A girl asks a Croatian bartender for a beer, the bartender replies, 'There is no beer in this bar.'

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why do people where saggy pants that don't fit? They can't afford too buy new

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q. Why did Lucy fall off the swing? A. She had no arms Q. Why didn't she get back up? A. She had no legs Q. Why did no one help her up? A. She had no friends Q. Why did Lucy fall off the swing A. She had no arms You: knock knock Other person: who's there? You: not Lucy

thumb_up thumb_down -4

why was 6 afraid of 7 7 was a serial rapist with a anger problem

thumb_up thumb_down -4

If I was in a room with hitler Osama bin laden and Justin bieber and a gun with 2 bullets. I would shoot Justin bieber twice

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the vibrator say to the condom? Watch, I'll get laid before you do!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the potato cross the road? It didn't. A potato is a vegetable. It cannot walk, think or speak.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q: Whats Brown and sticky A: an eagle except for the brown and sticky part

thumb_up thumb_down -4

i'm not random but cheese does get a bit purple if you leave it in your laptop then the battery dies and the sun expands and kills every dodo alive even though they're extinct but that not the point

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops