how do u wake up lady gaga? poke her face

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What do you call an alligator in a circus? Testicular Cancer.

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Q: When did the man realize it was 5:00am? A: When it became 5:00am.

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There were 50 koreans; half of them liked gangnam style but the other half didn't. Why didn't the other half like gangnam style? They were north koreans.

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Whats long, green and falls out of trees? A canoe. Why did the old man fall out of the tree? He was in the canoe.

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How do you make a baby not cry? Do not throw a brick at it. ANTI-JOKE

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Unless your father is a doctor and you live with him.

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What's worse than seeing Helen Keller behind the wheel of a car? Being run over by Helen Keller.

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What do you get when you cross The Incredible Hulk and King Kong? Two angry fictional characters.

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What do black people and bananas have in common? 50% of their DNA

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What does a black person call black friday? Friday.

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Why cant the asian find his family? His eyes were too squinty

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why didn't the chicken cross the road?!

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What do you call a black man, an asian man, and a white man walking down the street? 3 men walking down the street.

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What do you call a group with one Jew and three Germans? Friends

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You know what really grinds my gears? Insufficient lubricant.

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How do you put 100 kids on a girls face ? skeet

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Knock knock Who's there? Chicken Chicken who? I can't believe you're talking to a chicken

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Q: What's black and hangs from a tree? A: A tire swing.

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What did the cop say to the speeding black man? "Can I see your license and registration?"

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The secret to McDonalds success is all their customers are to fat to leave

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled it up, slightly spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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What's black white and red all over? Steegers.

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Three men stumble upon an ancient lamp in the desert. They sell it to a museum and split the profit evenly.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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