A Duck, a Mexican guy and Helen Keller walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What do each of you want?" The duck doesn't respond because is is a duck. The Mexican guy doesn't respond because he doesn't know English that well. Helen Keller does't respond because she is dead.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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whats worse than 9/11? not much haaaa

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What do Chinese kids have that African kids dont? Chinese citizenship and at least one Chinese parent.

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Why did Doris need a hip replacement Because she fell down the stairs

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-What do you call a dog with no legs? -Call it whatever you want, it's not coming!

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What did the fat girl mean when she said, " last night was amaziing?" that pizza pie you shared was very well crafted and baked

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My grandmother has degenerative brain disease, We may need to euthanise her.

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Cancer what did he get the next year? Nothing he didn't make it that long.

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Wayne Rooney's face and intelligence.

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Howmany licks does it take till you get to the tootsie roll center of tootsie pop? Well, The answer is not constant. There are many variables that need to be taken into account. Though the ph level of human saliva is a neutral seven it can vary about 2 tenths of a point from person to person. This is a factor that needs to be considered along with the size of the tongue, roughness of the tongue, and at what speed the licking is taking place at. After taking all these variables into consideration, the average number of licks it would take untill the chocolate center of a tootsie pop is approximately, 3 .

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

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A Blonde Goes On "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

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A man went skydiving and tragically died.

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Why didn't Johnny's father come home? He was killed in Afghanistan.

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One day a kid said to his mom: "Mom, I painted the bed sheets with your lipstick". So his mom got mad.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cøck in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

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What is a black guys favourite thing to eat? Food.

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky? It had no wings.

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What did the bolt say to the wall?? nothing ,they just screwed.

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What's the difference between a baby and my trampoline? I take my boots off before i jump on my trampoline. . .

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Every 60 seconds In Africa......... A minute passes.

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What is the street value of Amy Winehouse's ashes? Nothing. They are ashes, not drugs.

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Yo mama's so ugly, one day she looked in the mirror and her face was a wreck. Later that day she committed suicide.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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