A person was born on may 5th 1955 and one day noticed that they had $555.55 in their bank account. The person went to a race and betted all their money on the 5th runner in the 5th race. What happened? The runner came in 5th place.

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Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? She's dead.

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What did the child say to the clown? For a professional entertainer, you're not that funny.

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Roses are nice, violets are fine, ill be the 6, if you be the 9!

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whats do dinosaurs and people have in common? one of them is extinct.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, i thought violets were violet. hmph.

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Ask me if I'm a watermelon. Are you a watermelon? No...

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Grace Ackerson

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How do you kill a black person? Make them skydive 10,000 feet in the air without a parachute

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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Can Anti-Jokes censor curse-word tenses? Fuck Fucking Fucked Fucks

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I'm black and I will beat your children. (This is not an anti-joke)

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Why does Santa Clause not have any children? Because he only cums once a year.

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What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

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Whats funny about a guy with no legs? I bought him a wheelchair.

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Why did Jimmy burn the American flag? He was Canadian.

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw a lightbulb? None, they couldn't cross the border.

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Why didn't the TV turn on? Nobody switched it on.

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Why did the little girl drop her balloon? Because she was getting raped in the face.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? it was thrown

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Why did the weiner dog have a bad childhood? Uncle Monty put his foot up its arse on a daily basis before chewing dorris's nose, ears and eyelids.

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There are 3 prisoners inside a cage. All the prisoners are blind folded and wearing hats. They are told there are 5 hats all together, 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. If one of them can answer what color hat they are wearing they are all set free. However, they have no idea what color hat they are wearing, only what color hat the other prisoners are wearing. They are also not allowed to tell what color the others are wearing. So the game begins: The first prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the first prisoner says "I don't know." The second prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the second prisoner says the same thing, "I don't know" Now the third prisoner didn't even need to take off his blind fold. He already knew the answer. He said, "Sir, I know I am wearing a red hat" The guard smiled and all the prisoners are set free. Why? If the first prisoner saw the other prisoners blue hats then he knows he's wearing a red hat because there are only 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. But he sees one guy wearing blue and one guy wearing red, so he says "I don't know." The second prisoner took off his blind fold and the same thoughts occur. If he saw the other prisoners wearing all 2 blue hats, then he knows he's wearing red. Instead, he sees one guy wearing a blue hat and the other guy wearing a red hat. So he says "I don't know" Now the third prisoner doesn't even need to take off his blind fold. Why? He heard the other prisoners saying they don't know, which led him to believe that all they saw was blue and red hats. That means if he takes of his blind fold he will see that both of the previous prisoners will be wearing blue hats and since there are only 2 blue hats available, he must be wearing a red hat.

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Knock, knock Who's there? You... and you just lost the game. -Eka

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Whats the differnce betwwen a Wheelbarrow and a sack of dead babies The wheelbarrow is not in my garage

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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