Who has two thumbs and is happy? This girl! You're a girl?

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numbers just make the funniest antijokes

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Why couldn't my grandpa use a cell phone? He didn't have hands.

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What comes after 23? 24.

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Why does Beyonce sing "to the left, to the left"? Because that's where a box of everything you own is

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I've got 99 problems and they're all stressing me out and causing me to be very unhappy.

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what do you call justin bieber having sex baby baby baby oh

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What is worse then 10 babes nailed to a tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: It depends on how hard you throw them.

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Whats from Hattersley? Someone who lives in Hattersley.

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How much wood could a Woodchuck chuck if a Woodchuck could chuck wood? The etymology of the name woodchuck is unrelated to wood or chucking

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Start by getting your fucking ass off this site and get me the fucking money asap yourself! And your contact information! Fuck your "eye for an eye" piece of shit example, I want redemption! If I am to live with self respect after losing a FUCKING EYEBALL! I demand that you lose EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR! YOU FUCKING QUEER HYPOCRITE! And I am not asking that you take away everything, I will take everything you hold dear away from you myself! Then again, why do that when I can get straight to the source and break your spine, and that is just the first step to making you wish you where dead! That you end up begging me for THE SWEET MERCY OF DEATH! Listen, if you want to talk, lets talk, if you claim to be so fucking powerful get on a goddamn jet and get over here yourself, no goons, no "shadows", no "followers" of "your order" when you present it, and "our order" when YOU FUCK UP! Only then will I "listen to reason", it is only reasonable you come out of your fucking hiding place and face me! I wont fight you, I wont kill you, but you better get your fucking face over here yourself.

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Two monkeys are sittin in a bathtub. The first monkey says to The second, "HEY! pass the soap." The second says to the The first monkey, "DUDE. thats not soap, its a typewriter!!!!"

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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How did the hairless cat brush its hair? It could not, it was hairless. Also, cats do not have opposable thumbs, making it near impossible to do such a thing.

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Man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died. Hard part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in and then the trouble started..

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There are three guys on an airplane, a Korean, a Mexican, and an American. The pilot comes on the speaker and syays,"The plane is to heavy, throw out the thing you have most in your country." The Korean throws out an AK-47 and says,"We have to many of these in our country." The Mexican throws out a taco and says,"We have to many of these in our country." The American throws out the Mexican and says,"We have to many of these in our country."

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How do you get a black man out of his house? you ring the doorbell.

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Knock knock "Honey, could you get the door?" "I'm tired of doing everything here! Get you ass up and do it yourself!" "Well why don't you just go back to bar you whore?" "This marriage was a mistake, I'm going back to mother!" They divorced 5 months later.

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What did one apple say to the other???? Well, since they are fruits, and not people, they were unable to talk...

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Why couldn't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has parkinsons and therefore couldn't keep his hand steady.

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Q. what is black ans white and red all over A. a shot to death zebra

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ajkswhfuilafhgkfdgbluft

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Me: "If I had Alzheimers, I would break down into tears." Friend: "Why, you would forget why you were crying..." Me: "Who are you again?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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