- Anti Joke

Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

Q: Whats the difference between me and a ghost? A: Ghosts arnt dolphins!

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

you walk into a bar Griffin: 'are you ok'

What happens when you cut a body in half? An erection.

Knock knock Who's there? A fireman. You're house burned down.

Why did Emily fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Emily.

Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

A guy gets murdered, because of the Reco act the whole gang he belongs to goes to jail as well. They cry in their beds

What did the salami say to the ham? Nothing; meat can not talk

So the word RAPING does not work unless you type it in caps? Raping... Did it censor? No? Never mind then... Wow, catchphra Never mind... Its a sign X-files theme.... Teleports at your house: Hah bitch never you ugly, or not ugly enough... Urgh, nevermind, I mean some ugly chicks know their stuff but you know... Anyway NeroMetal The sociopath not the fucking Cultist piece of shit that use my morals as a code system? YOU THINK WE THE SAME? EEEEEEH! Me raping you says we are not... And ill find you ;) Or your sister or your mom, I mean h0m0? You think im a pervert or something?

Doctor doctor, i think i need glasses! Go to an opticians then...

What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede!

What do you call a Caucasian in Russia? Russian.

Violets are blue Roses are red I stabbed you 37 times in the chest Now you're dead

What is worse than the holocaust. A worm in MY apple!

Why dont you greet your friend Jack on a plane? because you will say "hi Jack"

My dad died on Mothers Day, my mother was happy. Actually Iied, we were all sad.

Sonny Bono walked into a bar. No, wait, he crashed into a tree.

Knock knock Who's there? Miley Cyrus Holy moly, please come in! Here's your Miley Cyrus CD you order online Thanks you Mr. Mail Man

A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender doesn't understand him because he doesn't speak duck and promptly calls animal control to have the duck removed.

A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

How do you keep an elephant from charging? Ask nicely.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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