Knock Knock... Who's there? JUST LET ME IN!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man walks into the bar and orders a drink. This is what you do in a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I used to be addicted to soap, but now I'm clean. I'm still addicted to heroin, though. No chance I'm ever giving that up.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why was the little boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his forehead

thumb_up thumb_down +25

joe galasso from plainview ny

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why couldn't the black man be an astronaut? He was not qualified for the Job

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the man run away from the cat? He was allergic

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Where do cows go on the weekends? The slaughterhouse.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why couldn`t Sally open the jar? Because she did not have thumbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the dog say to the Jewish Rabbi? Bark

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: WHERE'S MY TRACTOR?!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Yo mama is so old, that it's becoming apparent that she is most likely developing severe senial dementia

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I like my coffee like i like my women, blonde with big boobs.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the fat girl stop eating? She wasn't hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A dog walks into a bar. The owner got a fake service dog identification and everyone really enjoyed it.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why are you gay? Because ***** you

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the black guy have a bunch of marihuana? He was the owner of a shop that sold it for medical purposes.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

6 in every 9 people find a dirty reference in every joke. This statistic is in fact false, as 5 in 9 people actually find a dirty reference.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why couldn't the man make it to work? Because as he was leaving his apartment, he saw a gruesome murder on the street that was part of an ever-growing and evolving genocide. Quickly following this, he broke down into psychological turmoil and wandered aimlessly through the streets until he eventually reached a forest, where he was taken in by a wild boar and raised to believe in boar-gods. The man died peacefully while planting potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops