Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.

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knock knock who's there? hope

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Why did the girl fall off the swings? -because she had no arms

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What is more black than a Nigerian marathon runner? The night sky

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What did the douche bag get for Christmas?

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My closet is like the wardrobe to Narnia, accept my closet isnt a portal into a magical world.

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How do you drown a blonde? Force her head underwater until she can no longer breathe, thus shutting down her brain and killing her.

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What happened when Glen jumped off a building? The rope snapped his neck. He died.

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Why did Susie fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Not Susie.

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Why couldn't the old man see the Moon? Because he was blind and it was daytime.

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What is red and fluffy?... Your teddy bear covered in blood...

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There was a blonde driving a car but she was late to a meeting so she started speeding but then a police officer pulls her over. The officer asked the blonde "Do you know how fast you were going?" to which the blonde responded "Yes, I am late to a meeting" so the police gives a ticket for speeding and she ends up going late to her meeting.

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If you want to make the little things count, teach midgets maths!

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Why did Suzy have burns on her face? Because her little brother attacked her with a hot curling iron thinking it was a lightsaber.

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To men stay at the bar all night drinking non stop. They soon are rushed to the hospital to get their stomachs pumped.

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What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

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Q: How did the black man get the white man's money? A: He walked up, politely asked if he could borrow some money, and told him he would pay him back tomorrow.

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One I grabbed a lump of coal, and crushed it with such strength, that a human being was born out of it. That man is today known as Chuck Norris. Nero.

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i was quite upset when my girlfriend called me a peodifile, what does she know, shes only 6.

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are taking a chemistry exam. They each get a solid B on the test.

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None. It is an avian species incapable of throwing such a heavy material as wood.

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How many sumo wrestlers does it take to lift a huge rock? The point of lifting a rock just to lift a rock is stupid, so why would you get 3 sumo wrestlers to come out and waste their time.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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