You can't choose your family, so choose someone else's.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock Knock!! Who's there? The Bailiffs, now get out.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A woman who lived alone with her parrot left her apartment to run to the store, forgetting that a plumber was scheduled to come and fix her sink. A few minutes later, the plumber arrived and knocked on the door. The parrot inside called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, "it's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waited for a bit and, seeing that nobody was coming to the door, knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, a little more loudly, "it's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!" Again the plumber waited. After a few more minutes, he knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber yelled, as loudly as he could, "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE SINK!" Still, nobody came to the door. The plumber banged the door repeatedly, The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screamed "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIIINK!!!" and then, consumed with rage, clutched his chest and fell over dead from a stress-induced heart attack. A few minutes later, the woman returned home and, while opening her door, noticed the plumber lying dead in her hallway. She looked at her parrot and asked, "Who is it?" The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many feet are in a yard? It depends how many people are in the yard.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you do when a bomb is exploding 2 inches away from you? You die.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? ...Because he was buried in a churchyard.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A preschool teacher told his class to draw a squirrel. One child proceeds to break into tears. The teacher says "what's wrong Johnny?" Johnny said "my whole family was slaughtered by a gang of squirrels!" this upset the teacher

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Whats worse than a baby crying on a plane. 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like saying the colors of flowers, Delphiniums are also blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock Knock. Who's there? Barack Obama. Ok, come on in Mr. President!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man walks into a bar said man is escorted out of said bar said man may have died from a serious case of alcohol poisoning whilst in said bar he was escorted as dead people have trouble moving of their own accord experts discovered later that the man had actually been brutaly beaten by another man wielding a bar stool this shows that experts are not very smart

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the cow say to his family before he left the house? goodbye, because he was going to the slaughter house to get killed for meat

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Stripper went to strip club to ask for work. - It was closed

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was Joe afraid of Steve? Because Steve raped and killed all of Joe's three children two weeks ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

this isn't meant to be a joke, but just letting all of you know, inside jokes don't count and kony jokes aren't funny

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock Knock Who's there? Me, wondering why your not naked.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you get McFly into a Mini? McFly are a four member band and a mini has four seats so it's actually quite straightforward.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

RACIST JOKE: how to start a footrace in ghana role a donut down a hill

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Yo mumma so poor that she dosent have any money

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Once upon a time there was a young teenager who was bullied a lot. She died 100 years ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What happens when you give a fat man scissors? He cuts off the foreskin of your penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

whats better than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees whats better than 1 baby nailed to 10 trees? 10 trees nailed to 1 baby

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops