Why did the car crash? Because the driver was blind

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Once upon a time there was a man exercising, he pulled a muscle and had to have his heart removed. In other words, don't exercise. The end.

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There are 2 women at a bus stop. One of them has a swollen belly. The pregnant woman says to the other one, "I'm expecting a baby." The other woman responds, "That's too bad. I'm expecting a bus, at least that'll help me."

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A blind man walks into a bar. The next day he goes out and buys a new seeing eye dog.

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Q: What did the black man say to his Ex wife after she placed a restraining order on him? A: nothing, he was no longer allowed contact with her of any kind and thus could not converse with her

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs going down a mountain? A: As good as dead.

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A Duck, a Mexican guy and Helen Keller walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What do each of you want?" The duck doesn't respond because is is a duck. The Mexican guy doesn't respond because he doesn't know English that well. Helen Keller does't respond because she is dead.

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Q: Whats pointy and sharp and rhymes with life? A: A spear. It's close enough.

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Where did Ben go after being hit by a high speed train? Underneath the train's wheels.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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why was the little boy crying? he was at his mother's funeral.

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Your mom is so poor She will soon have to make the difficult decision whether or not to put you up for adoption

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Obama lin Baden.

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What did the blond say to the other blond? "I like your shoes."

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A wife says to her husband "Everybody's coming over tonight, I want you to dress nice." *logically this cannot happen because there is no way that this couples residence can fit all 6 or so billion people in the world, nor would they want to.

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George Bush=Bush Dick Cheny=Dick Colin Powell=Colon Condoleezza Rice=Rice One of these doesn't belong here.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Why are you asking me this question? That's awful and you should be ashamed of yourself.

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A black man walks out of a store. He was carrying a receipt.

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what do you call a black man sleeping on a park bench at 2 in the morning? Homeless

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Why are Asian people bad drivers? Coincidental cases of blurred vision.

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A guy punched himself. He then said ouch.

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i like turtles

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an irishman walks past a bar a.w. j.p.

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What did the mother say to her color blind son when he was about to take his first car ride alone after he got his license? Good luck

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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