A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

My brother found a worm in his apple. I dared him to eat it, so he did. When he tried to swallow, the mashed up worm congealed in his throat, killing him. Later, I found out that the worm had poisonous rectum fluids. I was given the Nobel Peace prize.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what do you call a man that is hurt? A: you call him an ambulanse

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do a bike and a duck have in common? They both have handlebars except for the duck.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What happens when you put a baby, a dog and a cat in the same bag They will all most likely suffocate if left in the bag too long

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why didn't Superman save anyone on September 11? He was in a wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Knock knock Who's there It's a policeman informing you that your parents have been killed in a car crash. Your Dad, who has been struggling with substance abuse and depression, found out his wife had been cheating on him, and in a drunken rage, wrapped the car around a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do you call a shark on land A dead shark

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the chicken cross the road? ...because chickens love to confound people.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

It's caoimhin I wasnt writing cos kane turned my computer off the bel end aodhans been tuping sayin its be the spa.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

If John had 4 apples and gave 2 to Mary, what is the circumference of the sun?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why was blueberry flavoured bubblegum cancelled? Because it tasted like soup.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Knock, knock. Who's there? Your one and only! Step away from the door, Francheska. You're violating the restraining order.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did an asian lawyer commit suicide? Because his wife left him and he hated his miserable life.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Roses are chickens violets are pizza this poem makes no sense, Refridgerator

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

how come jenny could not fall asleep? their was a man standing outside her window holding a knife

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Q. What you call a Guy with no arms an no legs in the water? A. Bob

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Man 1: is that boy high? Man 2: No. He has down syndrome

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The first line is spelled wrong, Ha, I tricked you

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I found a lump on my right testicle. So, as a precaution I went to my local hospital to have myself checked out. Thankfully, it wasn't accute testicular cancer. Instead I only had to suffer for a few months, but it's getting better now. Sadly, I won't be able to have children and now my semen has a somewhat unsavoury flavour. Thanks for asking.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

The feds ruined the first underground, so in order for this to not happen you joined them?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What is the difference between a horse? All the legs are of same length, especially the back ones.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did the dog have no legs? Because its previous owner had cut them off.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops