A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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What do you say to a corpse? How's life?

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If you're jumping rope, and both the tires are flat, how much frosting would it take cover the staircase? Rocket!

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What does 2 + 2 equal? 4

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What did one lawyer say to the other? Hello

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, i have Alzheimers, Roses are red

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what do you call an octopus with 9 tentacles? a male octopus

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according to the ewspickle, it is Dumbledore's favorite food.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side. wow i missed the entire purpose of this.

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What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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Why couldn't the kitten drink its milk? Because its owner was neglecting him and the kitten later died of malnurisment

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Why didn't Jacob marry Bella from Twilight? You have to be real to marry someone

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What's the difference between a park bench and a black man? Nothing. They're both capable of supporting a family of three.

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How do you find out the population of Mexico? The census.

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How many frogs does it take to change a light bulb None. Frogs lack the cranial capacity to change said lightbulb. If eventually by evolution they become smart enough to change lightbulbs, they may learn to handle machinery and pose a real threat to humans

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Why did Bob scream "Nurrrrrrrrr!!"?.....because he was mentally challenged.

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Why did the man trip over the kitten? He was blind.

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What's brown and smells of chocolate? Chocolate or something dipped in chocolate but that might also smell of something else - like bananas.

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How do you torture helen keller? Waterboard her.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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There's a Mexican and a black guy in a car... Who's driving? The Cop!!!

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Hamsters are a lot like cigarettes. They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Ben." Ben who?" "Ben Dover!" "Ben,it's been 7 years. I already moved on and have a new husband and family. Stop coming here or I'm calling the police."

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Ernie: "Hey Jim, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?" Jim then breaks down and cries deeply at Ernie's question as the fact that he was born without a tongue continues to slowly tear him apart.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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