How is a woman like a condom? They are not. A woman is a human being and a condom is a man-made rubber object used as contraception in sexual intercourse

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Q: What do Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Crunch, Captain Morgan and Captain Kangaroo all have in common? A: They are all caucasian

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Lasers are red, Tasers are blue, and I will use them, to kill you!

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A) why did the black guy leave the bar B) cause he was tired and wanted to go home

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So the man goes to the doctor and the doctor tells the man " you will have to quit masturbating " So the man asks " why" And the doctor said " so I can examine you "

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What did the little boy get from his parents on Christmas? Nothing. His parents died 2 nights before in a tragic car crash.

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Q:Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? A: Neither did she

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Why did the mathematician go to jail? Because he killed his wife.

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A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" The man responds "Let's have the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance paid for everything." Shocked, the man asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments will be covered."

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Who told the gorilla he couldn't go to the ballet? The people who were in charge of making that decision.

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Chuck Norris once stared in a show called Walker: Texas Ranger.

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Her Majesty's Government of the United Kingdom of Great Britain

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the tree fall over? The koala forgot to let go.

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What's the difference between Miley Cyrus and a dead baby? One is a popular singer and the other is a dead baby.

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Your mom's so fat that she is going to contract heart disease by age 30.

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YODO (unless you're religious background encourage you to believe in an afterlife of some sort, be it of animalia or homo sapien decent.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he was forced, along with thousands of his poultry counterparts, on a march to meet their imminent death at a mass slaughterhouse. Upon being beheaded and processed, the meaty corpse was delivered to a local grocery store and cooked into a wholesome family dinner.

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What did Chuck Norris say to the puppy? Aww what a cute dog.

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what's black and white and red all over? nothing... it's red

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Why did the priest go to jail? He had sexual relations with young boys.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To warn people on the other side that the sky was falling Why did the cow cross the road? Cause he had madcow disease Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? Cause he's Chuck Norris Why did the Mexican cross the road? He was on his way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was just running to his car you racist.....after he had robbed the bank Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass

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How do you tell a crazy man that he is on fire? You're on fire.

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Why do women have boobs? So you've got something to look at while you talk to them. That's sexist... I'm sorry.

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Why wasn't the white guy voted for president? He had down syndrome

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops