A fish walked into a bar. Actually it didn't, since fish can't walk.

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When did the laughter finally die? When you started this joke.

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A hooded black man walks into a pharmacy, he caught a cold due to the gelid weather and bought some medicine for himself.

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An itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout Down came my dick, and forced the spider out

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What's your blood type? Red.

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If you die laughting, How are you telling this to me?

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What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? . . . . . . . Roberto

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A man quites his job to open a coffee shop which has been a dream of his for years, The shop does well with a healthy supply of customers and a steady income,The man is now financially stable.

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Yo mama so ugly... she has an extremely bad burn on her face.

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So I was standing in line at the grocery store and this little old lady let me cut in front of her. It was neat.

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Why did the chair break? The person that sat in it was over weight

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"What's black when clean, but white when dirty?" "A blackboard."

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How many freudians does it take to unscrew a light bulb? Two. One who unscrew the lightbulb and another who hold the penis....eehhh i mean ladder.

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Why do bears go to school on Sunday's? They don't, bears don't go to school.

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mommy mommy! why are we pushing the car over the cliff?! the mom answers shhh youll wake your father...

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What's worse than the common cold? The Plague.

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Do not use your phone, I repeat DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE, at this point we do not know enough, as for this kid, he is about two minutes from getting his ass locked in a nice prison, I told them he does not know anything, and I will make sure he does not squeal, you should be good, even if I got to take care of him.

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What happens if you punch a girl? An equal rights protest.

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What is similar between a dog and a cat? They are both dogs except for the cat.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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What's black and blue and hates sex? The unfortunate child in a pedophile's basement who the police have yet to find.

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My name is Dave I like poems Microwave ummmmmmmmm (enter word that rhymes with poems)

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Knock knock. Who's there? Chet. Chet who? I probably shouldn't be giving you my name, just get in the fucking van...

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What's the difference between a baby and my trampoline? I take my boots off before i jump on my trampoline. . .

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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